People who hurt us don’t always care and you might feel unable to walk away from a situation that broke your heart or caused problems in your life. You don’t have to stay stuck forever. Find out how to move past things and people who have hurt you after they have disregarded or invalidated your feelings.
You are hurt beyond words about what was done to you. How could someone do such a thing? When confronted with what they did, how do they react? Do they apologize and immediately make amends or do they refuse to accept accountability and send you away feeling even more hurt than before? Sometimes people aren’t sorry, and they won’t take responsibility for things they have done. This can leave you emotionally broken and at a loss for how to carry on with your life with no validation or closure. Guess what? You don’t need it from them. Join us to find out what to do to move on from things without validation or closure from other people and how you can provide it for yourself.
I Need Closure!
People like to have a satisfying resolution to things, most especially things that have gone wrong. They want to have their say, expressing all their feelings to people, and they want people to respond in ways that make them feel heard and respected. That doesn’t always happen. When someone hurts you and they won’t apologize or at least admit what they did, you might be hurt long term, and some people will call your need for closure “holding a grudge.” People say that letting go of past hurts will only benefit you, but that is difficult to do and it can be harder if people are pressuring you to “forgive” the transgression or else you will hurt yourself.
Closure isn’t necessarily something you need from the people who hurt you. One man got closure when he saw what a miserable life his ex who hurt him was living although his ex never acknowledged what had been done. One woman got closure about family abuse even though she never got an apology because another family member acknowledged that the abuse happened. Another woman was never acknowledged by family and her abuser did not live a miserable life, but she got closure the day she realized the abuse was many years behind her and would never happen again. You can make your own closure, and move on by yourself. It’s important to understand this because sometimes, the people who hurt you will not help you get closure.
When They Won’t Help
If you think you need to express all your feelings and have the person who hurt you agree with everything you say or you can never move on, you are wrong. You can move on without them doing anything. Some people are just not going to admit what they did, or they might find a way to shift the blame, saying you caused their behavior. They might admit what they did, but have no regrets, and they might even still be doing hurtful things.
When They Lie About It
It’s a sure sign somebody either knows they are in the wrong or they don’t want to deal with the consequences of their actions when they lie. Pretending to be innocent of what they did, some people are master manipulators, able to convince other people they are wrongfully accused. They might tell a sob story to mutual friends, family, and colleagues, accusing you of being the villain who lied about them, saying they did something they would never do. There is nothing you can do to convince some people to tell the truth, and sometimes you can’t even prove what they did. There is no way to get closure from somebody who has decided to lie about what they did. Some people just can’t be trusted but you can manifest love again.
When They’re Not Sorry
It’s hard to believe that some people don’t care how they make other people feel, but that’s the way some people are. There are also people who don’t care what problems they cause for people and then there are people who actually enjoy doing all those things. You would think that you could talk sense into these people, explaining to them why what they did is wrong, and they would be sorry, but sometimes, you can’t. They might be sorry if there are consequences for them, but they won’t be sorry for what they did. Some people have no remorse. You are not going to have your feelings or needs validated by these people and they are not going to give you any closure.
When They keep Doing It
We all make mistakes, but when someone repeatedly does something, it is not a mistake, it is a habit. They can make the decision to change their behavior at any time. When you call someone out for what they have done, and they do it again, they are not going to validate your feelings. Sometimes, you can point out to someone what they are doing is wrong, and they will realize they should stop. If they don’t, just expect them to continue the behavior, and don’t think you will get any validation or closure from them. Old habits die hard sometimes, but you can learn to manifest new things anyways.
When They Blame You
“Look what you made me do!” This is how some people will deflect responsibility for their actions onto the people who they hurt. We all earn consequences for our actions, but being hurt is not something you deserve. When somebody hurts you, and they say you deserved it, refuse to accept that. Some people will also accuse the people they hurt of choosing to be hurt instead of admitting that what they did was hurtful. While some people do have more sensitive feelings than other people have, you are not wrong for being sensitive. People who hurt you are wrong for being insensitive to your feelings. You will not get validation or closure from people who blame others for what they choose to do.
Why Are People This Way?
It’s just the way some people are. Some people are emotionally traumatized and do not treat other people well. Other people are just downright mean and don’t care how they make other people feel. There are various small reasons why somebody would refuse to validate the way they made you feel, but there is one main reason all the other reasons fall under. They are this way because they can be. There are not serious enough consequences that make them stop doing it. If nobody tolerated the behavior, they would not do it anymore. Anytime somebody mistreats you, see what you can do to either take away their ability to do it or take away their ability to hurt you. Some people are unbearable to be with, but you are not stuck.
How Can I Move on With My Life?
It’s easier to move on if the people who hurt you will validate your feelings, apologize, change their behavior, and give you closure. When they demonstrate that they won’t, you have a decision to make. You can either stay stuck emotionally, or you can make your own closure. First, you are going to have to accept some things. Then you will have to provide your own validation. You will need to focus on healing for yourself and the fact you don’t need validation from other people. Thrive despite what happened and let what happened make you a kinder person.
Acceptance
The first step in self-validation and closure is accepting what happened. The longer time goes on from the hurtful event, the more you might learn about it, and the more opportunities you will have to get some perspective. A hurtful breakup can open you up to new, better love. Being let go from a job can provide the time to go back to school. Being closed out of a program you wanted to take can give you the time to take a better one that pays off in the future. Sometimes you have to accept that bad things happen and it’s not fair, but it still happened. Most of all you will need to accept that you will be providing yourself your own closure and validation.
Self- Validation
Observe your feelings and what happened. How did it feel, and how did it change your life? Even if people tell you that you are wrong to be hurt, the truth is, you are not. We don’t get to decide how we feel about things. Your feelings are right, called for, and they reveal your needs. Tell yourself that what happened was unfair and you did not deserve it. Tell yourself that you deserve better, will only accept better treatment from people from now on, and your number one focus should be on emotionally healing right now.
Focus on Yourself
When bad things happen, sometimes other people might want you to focus on how they feel about what happened to you instead of you focusing on yourself. Don’t allow anybody to force you to neglect yourself. Ask yourself what your personal needs are and what it will take to meet them. If you need to, reach out to other people who have gone through a similar experience and ask them what it took for them to get closure when other people who owed it to them withheld it. You are the one who deserves to be lavished with emotional healing, so do everything you can to ensure that you give it to yourself.
Understand That You Don’t Need Them
If you think you need the help of the people who hurt you in order to move on from what they did, think again. Truthfully, the people who did bad things to you have done enough, and you don’t need them doing more. Removing them from your life might be necessary, but even if you have to be involved with them for some reason, you don’t have to involve them in your healing journey. Sometimes, people who care are sorry, and will make up for what they did, but not everybody does. When they don’t, that’s just fine. You can heal, move on, validate your own feelings, and have closure despite what happened. You don’t need other people to validate you.
Thrive Despite It
Some people say the best revenge is living a good life, but thriving isn’t about getting revenge. It’s about being happy. Bad things will happen in life, unfortunately. Some of those bad things will rock your world and make you want to give up, but you can’t give up on yourself. You will always remember what happened that hurt you and your life might be changed forever by what happened, but that doesn’t mean life is over. Moving on is something you do for yourself and so you can focus on the present and the wonderful future you have to look forward to. Work out any problems an event caused, and then walk forward because you can never go back to the past.
Let It Make You Kinder
Whenever somebody hurts you, there are lessons to be learned. The first thing you learn is how it made you feel. Next, you learn what the person who hurt you is capable of. Then, their reaction to being told they hurt you tells you even more about what kind of person they are. If they accept responsibility and are sorry, you learn that maybe the relationship is worth maintaining. If they don’t, you learn that maybe you need to let go of the relationship. Most importantly, you learn what kind of things not to do. You learn not to treat other people the way you have been treated and you learn that somebody who hurt you and isn’t sorry will not give you closure. You will also learn that you can create your own closure.
We might believe that other people are crucial in our emotional healing after being hurt, but sometimes, they refuse to help. That doesn’t mean you cannot heal and move forward with life. When things happen like a relationship ends, you are mistreated, or somebody hurts you, it might feel like someone else has to step up, say that what happened was wrong, and that things will go back to the way they were before. Sometimes that doesn’t happen, but you can still validate yourself and provide your own closure. When others won’t give you the love and support you deserve, you can do it for yourself.
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