TL;DR
You can love without fear because, problems aside, real, healthy love will be worth working things out for. Some problems are flat out toxic, and those relationships need to be walked away from. Love with the wrong person might be love, but it’s still wrong for you. Knowing that you deserve so much better will give you the freedom to move forward into your future- and REAL love!Did you ever fall in love, and find yourself unable to enjoy it because you were so busy pulling your hair out because of the insane problems that unexpectedly popped up? Maybe you fell in love with somebody who is married to somebody else. Sometimes, you don’t even have the courage to tell them you love them to begin with. Maybe the person you love is in love with someone else. It’s beyond painful to be trapped in these sort of situations, and you may be so blinded from the hurt, you don’t know what to do.
First and foremost, do what is best for your heart. Love aside, some relationships are simply with the wrong person and create unnecessary hurt, drama, and sometimes unrepairable personal disaster. When you feel your relationship is making life unbearable, the relationship has to go. Remember, your number one relationship is the one you have with yourself. You are your own number one best friend, and there may come times that you love somebody who you just can’t be with because it hurts you.
What kind of things can go wrong, and what specifically should you do?
Love and Marriage
Perhaps the ultimate demonstration of commitment, approximately 2.3 million weddings happen per year in the United States with about $72 billion per year is spent on those weddings. An important rite of passage, some families save money or goods for years for a bride’s dowry, and the new bride would have been planning her perfect wedding for years. Indeed, the average wedding costs $20,000 or more, not including the honeymoon. For some people, the person they are married to becomes the center of their World, and they can’t imagine not having that person in their lives.
But what happens when things go wrong with a marriage? What do you do then?
Marrying Someone Who Doesn’t Love You
Some religious traditions preach you will perish for eternity if you get a divorce, but a wise old Crone once told a group of younger women that “Marriage is until death do you part. If it’s dead, then part!” Few things hurt worse than being in a loveless marriage. When your spouse flat out does not love you, this cannot be changed. What keeps a man in love is the love itself. Nothing else can. You cannot make somebody love you. If you realize you are in a loveless marriage, and you do yourself and them a favor, by getting a divorce, you give both of you the opportunity to move into relationships with people who DO love you. This gives you both the chance to be happy. What more can you do for somebody you love than thinking of their happiness?
When a Woman You Love Marries Someone Else
You met the woman of your dreams and you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her, and then before you know it, she does the unthinkable. She marries somebody else! You may feel this is the worst pain you have ever experienced, and you can’t think of anything else but how much it hurts. The unfortunate thing is, she’s made her choice, and if you truly love her, you will have the grace to accept it. Wish her all the best, and step away. If, in time, things don’t work out in her marriage, and you find her back in your arms again, it will be her decision. You can’t decide that for her. If not, you will know you respected her wishes and did not try to sabotage her happiness. Perhaps the greatest demonstration of love is to never try t stand in the way of what makes the person you love happy.
When a Married man Tells You He Loves You
“I know a married man who says he loves me. What should I do?” When you find yourself asking this question, there is only one thing you can do.
Run.
No, seriously, run.
Infidelity is common, and you don’t want to be stuck in the middle of that. If somebody who is married, be they male or female, tells you they are separated from a spouse, the last thing they need to do is start dating somebody else. They need to make a decision about whether to stay married, working out whatever problems they are having, or get a divorce and move on apart from one another.
Plenty of people have met the person they later end up spending their lives with while they are in an unhappy marriage, and that is wonderful. But starting a relationship as an affair is not healthy, and can create problems for you, most especially if that person ends up cheating on you too.
What to do if you love a married man or a married woman is to respect the marriage itself, and think about how you would feel if you were married to them and found out they were having an affair on you. Marriage is about commitment to one another, and affairs break that trust. Being the person stuck in the middle of that will rarely end well for you. You are more likely to have a severely broken heart than to get your lover away from their spouse.
Statistics show that about 50% of marriages survive infidelity. If this is completely true, there is a 50% chance you will get dumped, and end up broken hearted. Don’t ever risk putting yourself in that situation.
Statistics also show that in 2019, there were 746,971 divorces in the United States. There is a strong chance the person you love who is married to somebody else won’t be married to them forever. Just guard your heart in the meantime, and don’t hinge all your hopes on them marrying you instead someday. There IS hope, though because about half of the people who divorce remarry within five years. Realistically, marriage is not the only thing there is in life, and cohabitation has risen in recent times. Some people commit for life but never get legally married.
Sometimes, however, being in love with somebody ho is already married is not as simple as infidelity, and married people have agreements with one another that are becoming more commonplace.
A word about open marriages
More and more, you hear about open marriages. These are agreements between all adults involved and this in no way resembles cheating. Can you love two people at the same time? You absolutely can! Romance aside, there is no limit to how many people you can love, but in specifically a romantic relationship, some people want to include another person in their marriage, and it all works out well for everybody. If this is right for you and your spouse, enjoy one another and that special someone who is lucky enough to be loved by you both.
Will a Man Change for the Woman He Loves?
Sometimes, yes, but why are you looking to change somebody as opposed to accepting them for the way they are. Beyond trying to get a loved one to eat healthier or quit a bad habit like excessive nail biting or smoking, really question your personal desire to be with somebody you are dead set on changing. Maybe you don’t love them as much as you thought. Maybe you like the IDEA of being with somebody and you want to build your perfect ideal mate from an existing person. Accept people for the way they are, or move on. It is not their responsibility to be different people to suit somebody else. Change does happen for some people, but people have to decide for themselves to do that, not for other people.
I Love Him, but He Doesn’t Know
Then tell him! The fear of rejection can be enough to make some people keep silent about their feelings, but it is far worse to pine for somebody who may be just as willing to have a relationship with you as you are with them. Maybe you tell them, and they tell you no. How painful! However, at that point, you can know to move on and stop hanging in there, having false hope for a happily ever after with them. Whether they say they love you or that they don’t love you, you still win, simply because you have your answer and you can move forward at that point.
He Loves Someone Else, What Do I Do?
When a man can’t love you, that may be the only thing you can think about. Like wishing a woman well who marries somebody else, wish the man you love well that he has love with someone, and move on. It’s that simple.
Signs He is Deeply In Love with You
The list could go on forever, but some basics that show you if he is truly in love with you are simple.
1. He makes you a priority and you come first.
2. Your feelings and needs matter to him, and he never questions those things, but respects them.
3. He goes out of his way to spend as much time as he possibly can with you.
4. He might not get down on one knee to propose, but he makes plans for the future with you.
5. He does small things to let you know you matter- like waiting until you get in to eat dinner, or remembering your favorite color.
6. He tells you first all the things that matter to him, and sometimes, he tells ONLY you.
All these things hold true for when a woman is deeply in love with you as well.
When a man loves you, he will make sure you know it, and you will never ask yourself “Is he in love with me?” When a woman is in love with a man or a woman, she will go out of her way to ensure they know her immense love. Nobody goes their whole life without being loved, even if it feels that way. Love will find its way to you. So don’t dismay if you don’t have somebody in your life right this minute to spend it with forever. You will.
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