Letting go of an ex boyfriend can be really difficult but going back to an ex is rarely the best option. You may think ‘but my love for him proves a soulmate experience’ or that this person may have changed for the better, but rarely is this the case. However, occasionally, if an ex can prove that they are truly sorry, have taken accountability and that they want to make things better this time around, then there is always the potential for a positive rekindling. Follow the advice in this article when deciding if you still love an ex and whether or not getting back together is a good idea.In this article we will explore
- I Think I Love My Ex
- Different Types of Break Up
- I Can’t Let Go of My Ex
- Should You Go Back to Your Ex?
- How to Detach From Your Ex for Good
Breaking up with an ex is rarely where things end. More often than not we are left dealing with heartache and a whirlwind of emotions. After all, we spent so much of our lives entwined with this other person, so the change in context alone is enough to throw anyone off course. That said, the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with a breakup can lead us to make decisions we regret down the line. We may think we are in love with an ex, but in reality, we are just finding it hard to cope with the sudden change. That said, oftentimes we are still in love, but differentiating the pain of break up from the heartache of losing a soulmate is really difficult. Whatever your situation may be, just remember that you are not alone. Read along to help figure out if you are still in love with your ex and how to deal with these feelings.
If you feel you are caught up on an ex, taking time to consider how your break up transpired can be useful in determining how you feel about them. It’s easy to get hung up on a past lover, but if the break up was messy and explosive, this is a pretty clear sign that there were subtle red flags all along. Read on to figure out which of the five main categories your break up falls into.
The Betrayal Break Up
Arguably the worst kind of break up is one that involves cheating and betrayal. The person you once thought you could spend the rest of your life with has suddenly committed the unthinkable and has left you to pick up the pieces. This break up can look many different ways, from a series of explosive screaming matches to complete, silent horror. Regardless of what it may look like for you, it is important to understand that reconciliation is virtually impossible. You may still love this person for now, despite their terrible actions, but try to prioritize loving yourself.
The Mutual Break Up
A mutual break up is pretty ideal as breakups go. This break up is a result of both parties agreeing that things simply aren’t working out, or that different goals aren’t aligning in the relationship. More often than not in this situation, the spark has fizzled out and the excitement has gone. It’s possible to still love a partner after a mutual break up, but it’s arguably more likely that this love looks platonic.
The Final Chance Break Up
One of the saddest, most gut-wrenching break ups is the ‘final chance’ breakup. This break up may have occurred after repeatedly expressing your needs to your partner, but with them never following through. Or perhaps a partner was eager to take your relationship to the next level, but was fed up with this constantly being pushed back on. The ‘final chance’ break up is interesting in that often a lack of love itself is not the reason for the relationship’s demise, instead it’s timeframes, expectations and situationals that mean things simply aren’t going to work out.
The Falling Out of Love Break Up
Although this form of break up may sound reminiscent of the mutual break up, it tends to be far more one-sided and painful. It often occurs as a result of one person falling out of love or having doubts over the longevity of the connection. In this break up, neither party has it easy - being the one being broken up with is devastating in itself, but being the one to call it quits despite knowing how much the other person still loves you, is terrible in equal measure. Rarely is there room to rekindle either, making it extra difficult for the ex left behind to process everything.
The Ghosting Break Up
Alongside the betrayal break up, the ghosting break up is up there with one of the most disrespectful ways to end a relationship. This break up involves one party completely disappearing off the face of the earth and cutting all contact with their partner. No phone calls, messages, or reasoning at all. This person quite literally becomes the ghost of a person who you once shared life with. The reasons for doing so are limitless, but the truth of the matter is that any person who takes this route is incredibly selfish. In most instances, everyone deserves an explanation for their partner leaving, so leaving someone to fill in the blanks is very cruel.
It’s simple; when we devote our all to another person, we form deep, emotional bonds with them that can be hard to sever. Even if this person has completely betrayed us, the spiritual connection that links us can sometimes last a lifetime. As such, it’s often never as simple as ‘letting go’ of a person you once shared everything with. It can take weeks, months or even years of processing the grief that comes hand-in-hand with a break up. So, if you are struggling to let go of your ex, understand that the process will never be linear. We can’t fix our problems with the wave of a wand, but we can learn how to cope with this major life adjustment.
You may wonder, ‘should I take my ex back?’ Well, going back to your ex is like digging up areas of the past that are best left buried. So, while many of us may relate to the feeling of being in love with an ex, in most situations, getting back with them is not the best idea. At the end of the day, the relationship ended for a reason, so remember not to lose sight of this fact. However, it is not completely unreasonable to rekindle a relationship, as long as both parties can adhere to a few rules…
They Are Truly Sorry
Possibly the most important part of getting back with an ex is for both of you to be truly sorry for any wrongdoings committed. It’s no use getting back into the swing of a partnership if, for instance, your partner is unable to apologize for the pain they caused you in your previous relationship. A truthful, meaningful apology is essential in putting the past behind you both and stepping into a positive future together.
They Have Taken Responsibility
Similar to the need to apologize, taking responsibility for actions taken in the previous relationship is also crucial in moving forwards in a healthy manner. By taking responsibility, not only is a person admitting to their failures, but they are also holding their hands up and not dragging anyone else into the blame game. They can pin-point exactly what went wrong, why it went wrong and express the desire to make things better moving forwards.
They Know How to Make Things Better This Time
In addition to the above points, the person who needs to make amends bears the responsibility to make things better this time around. By talking openly and transparently with each other, the two of you can make a game plan about how this new relationship is going to look. Problem points that existed prior obviously ought to be dealt with before anything else, but it is also important to approach the relationship differently altogether. Fixing past issues is not a simple check-box activity, it is a nuanced process and takes lots of meaningful communication.
Maybe you and your ex have tried the above points and things still don’t seem to be working. Or maybe you still have lingering feelings for your ex, but their behavior has made reconciling a complete no-go. Whatever the specifics may be, learning how to detach from this unhealthy situation is useful for all of us, whether we will benefit from this information now or need to store it for a later date.
Separate Fantasy From Reality
When we find ourselves apart from someone we shared so much of our life with, the change in normality can skew our perception of the reality of the relationship in question. Despite explosive arguments, sleepless nights or even outright cheating, when the dust settles, we may find ourselves focusing too much on the ‘good times’. We may even start to justify bad behavior in hindsight as we are no longer right in the thick of it. In short, break ups are a complete emotional whirlwind, so we need to remember to keep our heads screwed on and not forget about the reality of a toxic past relationship or our exes’ flaws.
Get it Off Your Chest
Drawing on the above point, it’s important to express the hurt we are going through. If we bottle up our emotions and bury the wrongdoings committed against us, we may begin to lose sight of the reality of a break up. In these instances, it is far more productive to sit down with a trusted friend or family member and share your side of the story. While advice is always appreciated, the intention of doing this is more to alleviate the burden of bottling up troubling emotions. If you don’t yet feel in a place to verbalize what you are going through, journaling or speaking to the universe privately is another great way to get everything off your chest. By doing so, we pave the way for a lighter, more free future in which we put ourselves first.
Delete Them Off Your Socials
While it may sound less significant than other tips, removing an ex from our social media spaces forces us to stop idolizing and obsessing over this person. Nowadays, it’s all too easy to get sucked into the cycle of stalking and checking up on our past lovers, but sadly this only causes more pain in the long run. Similar to the points made above, the picture people present of themselves on social media rarely reflects reality and thus we may find ourselves internalizing a skewed perception of who they really are. Alongside this, we may not be mentally ready to see an ex flaunting their new partner online, so cutting off the source of this potential pain-point before we get hurt is a sensible thing to do.
Learn to Love Yourself
It may sound cliche, but it really is the most important point of all when it comes to detaching from an ex. We need to learn to love ourselves above anyone else if we are to move forwards and thrive independently. It’s all too common for us to sacrifice parts of ourselves when in a relationship, especially if we are caught in a toxic situation, so reclaiming the true essence of who we are is imperative. Of course, shaking off the dynamic the two of you have built together will be very challenging, but learn to focus on nurturing the very best of you, and enjoy how great this will eventually make you feel.
There are many resources at Mysticsense that can guide you with your learning and provide insight for any other questions you may have. Get started learning more about how to feel about your ex at Mysticsense today!
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