Nobody likes a chronic complainer or someone who complains unreasonably, but there is a time and a place for a well-placed complaint. Learn how to complain the right way and get great results.
Complaining is a fine art. On one hand, nobody wants to be labeled a “Karen”, but on the other hand, sometimes things go wrong, and you have to speak up so somebody can fix it. Whether it’s in public, at work, or in our personal lives, understanding how and when to complain is imperative. How can it be done the right way, so we don’t repel the very people who screwed things up to begin with? Join Mysticesnse to find out. Discover what a complaint truly is and why we do it in the first place. Learn the real goals of complaining and what not to do before finding out the best ways to complain. If something goes wrong – it can ruin everything- but it doesn’t have to. Read on to find out the right ways to speak up to save the situation, the day, and everyone’s sanity with the properly done complaint.
What’s a Complaint?
A complaint is expressing that you're dissatisfied with something. It can express that something has gone wrong, or just that you don't like it. Things that cause us discomfort, pain, or inconvenience can trigger a complaint. We complain as business clients, patients in doctor's offices, parents of our kids in school, employees, community members, and we complain about things that happen in our relationships. Complaints can be expressed verbally or in writing.
Complaints are typically expressed when we want to see something fixed. We express them, either to people who will listen and make us feel better or to people who can fix them. Complaints can be about a situation, a mistake, or a person. They can be about a bad attitude, delivery of a product or service, or even just discomfort. In today’s world, a lot of people complain just because someone or something has offended them. Read about the fine art of offensiveness here: The Best Ways to Create Offense
Why We Complain
We complain for two reasons. First, we complain to make us feel better emotionally. When we are upset about something and someone listens to us and validates our feelings, it makes us feel better. Especially when we know that what's bothering us can't be changed, just voicing our feelings to someone who understands, and cares makes a big difference. It's not always easy to listen to a complaint, but if you have the ability to reassure people who are complaining, you can make a big difference.
Another reason why we complain, and perhaps the biggest reason we complain is to find solutions. When the business you have hired makes a major mistake, you don't complain just for the sake of complaining or to feel better. You complain because you want someone to fix things. To be honest, the people who do things for us need our help. Sometimes they don't know that there is something wrong and they are horrified when they find out. If you are good enough to let them know, they will appreciate it so that they can fix things. The perfect person to complain to is someone who cares and wants to make things better- a nice guy. Find out why nice guys are the best guys here: Why Good Guys Make You Feel Better Than Bad Boys
Is Complaining Wrong?
Complaining in and of itself is never wrong. It's helpful. Some people are too embarrassed to complain because they're afraid that people will get mad at them if they say anything. Most people take pride in the things that they do and they want to make sure that things go well. They want feedback if something goes wrong so they can make things better. In businesses especially, people count on feedback from the public to help them be the best they can be. Constructive criticism in the form of polite complaints is very helpful.
So complaining itself is not wrong. Being unreasonable and complaining because you're impossible to please is wrong. Being nasty to people when you complain is wrong. Turning a small problem into a bigger issue than it is while you're complaining is wrong. Dehumanizing people who have made honest mistakes is wrong. Basically, being unbearable to work for or be around in general when you complain is wrong. One Zodiac sign that will not tolerate that treatment as a Libra, and you can read more about them here: Libra Traits | Star Sign in the Spotlight
How Not to Complain
So, since sometimes complaints are necessary and very helpful, what should we keep in mind to not do before we start complaining? The first thing you should do is think about how you would want be treated if you were the person listening to the complaint. In more detail, watch your tone of voice, don't accuse or threaten people, don't back people into corners and talk their ears off when you're complaining, and don't put your hands on anyone or throw anything. Complaints should not become a painful or threatening process. They should be the beginning of solutions.
Don’t Raise Your Voice
A lot of times, we're upset when we start a complaint. It's very important to watch your tone of voice, especially when you're upset. Even if the person you're complaining to is the one who made the mistake, the easiest way to make people stop listening to you is to take an unkind tone of voice with them, to shout, or to just have a tone of voice that lets them know you think you're superior. If the tone of voice you're about to use is one that you would not want to hear from somebody, make sure you don't use it when you complain.
Don’t Accuse
It's difficult not to accuse people of things, especially if you know somebody screwed up. If you think they did it on purpose or should have known better, don't say that. Accusing somebody of doing something horrible while you're trying to complain shifts the focus from finding solutions to being an outright attack. When people feel attacked, sometimes they panic, and other times they get angry and don't want to help you. State what happened instead of accusing individuals of doing bad things and that will get you better results. Knowing how to express emotions well can help with this. Read more about that here: Inability to Express Emotions Can Cripple Us
No Threats
Threatening people with consequences if they don't give you what you want doesn’t help get complaints resolved. When you start a complaint, going in with an immediate demand for results or else you will punish someone is a sure way to get people to shut down and ignore you. Threatening to get people fired, sue them, or get them back is something that you hear from a lot of people when they complain, and if you're going to make these types of threats, you better make sure you can deliver on them. Even if you can, it doesn’t help get complaints resolved at all.
Don’t Corner People
It can be very tempting to talk for a long period of time when you're upset and complaining, but it's going to be harder to get results if you corner someone and keep them for a long time. If you make a complaint short and sweet, you let them go do their job and fix things. The longer they spend listening to you, the less time they're going to have to get started making things better. One way to make sure that you don't do this is to think about what you're going to say before you get started, and to make sure that you have calmed down before you start your complaint. Gathering your thoughts like this will help you to be more organized and to the point. One Zodiac sign that is very serious about organizing is Virgo, and you can read more about them here: Virgo Compatibility in Love and Relationships
Don’t Get Physical
Some people lose their tempers easily and when they do, they want to express frustration by getting physical. Slamming things, breaking things, throwing things, or putting hands on people is absolutely the wrong way to complain. It shows a lack of emotional regulation and lack of self-control but it also shows a major lack of respect for other people. It shows a disregard for other people's time and for other people's things. It can end up having you completely removed, blacklisted for life, or it can even end with legal consequences for you. The scariest part is not what you can do when you are violent during a complaint is what the consequences will be for you if you are.
How to Complain Well
So, if there is a wrong way to complain, what's the right way to complain? It starts with the right attitude. Instead of wanting to punish people or express anger when you complain, do it to find solutions. If that is your attitude going in, everything else should fall into place. However, simple things like asking for help, then asking for solutions and thanking people even before things are taken care of will go farther in getting you results than if you don't do these things.
Ask for Help
The first thing you should do when you're complaining is ask someone, “Can you help me?” Usually beginning the discussion this way immediately gets people on your side. If your complaint is set up as a problem and solution process, it is non accusatory, and focused on the situation. The whole purpose of complaining to someone is to fix something that you can't fix by yourself. Maybe it shouldn't have happened to begin with, and it's created a lot of problems for you. However, setting the stage to get help as opposed to attacking is a great way to get solutions started. You can’t fix everything on your own, so why would you outdo yourself in life? If you do find out how to stop here: The Case Against the Desire to Overdo It
Identify the Problem
After you've asked for help, identify the problem instead of complaining about how upset you are. Complain about what's wrong and what needs fixing. Identifying these things to people shows what needs worked on instead of what your feelings about the situation are. The problem is not how you feel emotionally about something, but whatever it is that went wrong. Your feelings were caused by the problem itself. You will feel a lot better when the problem is solved, so get started by identifying it so that it can be.
Work as a Team
Understand that the people who are working to fix your problem are on the same team as you. They are not the enemy, and they're not looking to harm you. They may have made a mistake that has to be fixed, but if you work with them to solve the problem, things will get taken care of a lot sooner than if you treat them like they're against you. Behave as if you're both on the same side, solving the problem together, and you will get better results. Everything goes better when we work as a team because we are all interconnected. Find out more here: Our Connections - How We Are All Interconnected
Know When to Stop
There comes a time when you need to shut up and stop complaining. When you have expressed what the problem is and ask for solutions, there is no need to continue. The more time people spend listening to you, the last time they spend working on solutions. You don't have to stand and watch people solving the problems either. State the problem and ask for solutions and then step back and let people do their job. Assuming that you know how to do other people's job better than they do, will not get you solutions any faster. It means that you're in the way of them solving your problem. Step back and let them fix things.
Thank Them
Expressing appreciation for the fact that people are there to fix the problems, even if you believe that they created the problems, is very important. Everybody makes mistakes. Even if nobody made a mistake, things are going to go wrong sometimes. The fact that somebody is there to make things better is wonderful and we should all be very appreciative of that. Sometimes fixing problems is a lot of hard work and it's extra work on top of the work that people already have to do. So, let them know that you appreciate them working on your problem and once the problem is solved, thank them again. Learn how to cultivate gratitude here: Learning to Have a Grateful Heart
A Last Word
Things go wrong in life regularly- for all of us. Letting it throw us off will not only give other people and situations complete control of us, and we can say and do things we later regret because we lost control of our emotions. Complaining is supposed to fix a problem- not make bigger ones. Always remember we can’t take things back once they have been said or done, and we become known for one mistake, whether it is something we say or do. The goal of complaining is always to make things better- not make another bad situation or cause hurt feelings.
We all have to complain sometimes, and the best reason to complain is to fix problems. Don’t be afraid people will label you a “Karen” when you complain well and get great results. Treat people you complain to the way you would want to be treated if you were in their position and do things like thank them. Complaining can be the start of solving problems and making things better for everybody. Thank you for being part of that process!
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