We tell ourselves lies all the time, and sometimes we lie to ourselves so well, we can’t see the truth. Find out why self-deceiving lies are bad even when they make us feel good, and how to stop lying to yourself once and for all.
They say the truth shall set you free, but a lot of times, the truth just hurts. especially when there is nothing you can do about it. In such times, isn’t it better to believe lies that make you more comfortable than to face the truth? Join Mysticsense to find out. Find out what self-deception is and just why we do it. Learn some signs you self-deceive, and then how to stop doing it. The truth might hurt, but it really will set you free from lies. Read on to find out how.
What is Self-Deception?
Self-deception is when we convince ourselves of something that isn’t true. We know what the truth is, we just don’t want to accept it. We may have lied to ourselves for so long, we have forgotten the truth, and we live a lie. The lies we tell ourselves start to take on a life of their own. They become the lack of reality we operate under, and they hold us back from living life to the fullest. The lies might make us more comfortable in the beginning, but in the long run, they cause problems for us.
We are emotionally attached to beliefs and how situations make us feel. If it feels better to reject belief of how things really are, we may self-deceive. It takes a lot of time and energy to construct the perfect lie or even the perfect series of lies that we malfunction under. It might take a lot of energy to face the way things really are, but the amount of time that goes into maintaining self-deception is monumental. What if the lie is small and seemingly harmless, is that okay? Learn about little white lies here: Are White Lies Ok? | The Truth
Why We Lie to Ourselves
It might sound counterproductive to tell ourselves lies, but a lot of times it is a defense mechanism. When the truth hurts so bad, we feel defenseless against it, a lie feels safer. The truth can be difficult or impossible to fix, so we just don’t try and we lie that it isn’t so. We might be able to fix everything, but the lies we tell ourselves are more comfortable- even if they create bigger problems than dealing with things.
Because the Truth Hurts
We can’t control everything, and sometimes, things create issues that can’t be fixed. If you catch your two closest friends talking about you behind your back, you might find dealing with it so upsetting, you pretend it never happened. We sometimes construct stories, telling ourselves something else is happening instead of what did. Specifically, we tell ourselves less upsetting things. We can only handle so much emotional pain before it changes us in negative ways, so we comfort ourselves with pleasant lies sometimes. Lying to yourself can be a personal weakness, but you can defeat it. Find out how here: Identifying Each Personal Weakness and Beating It
The Truth is Too Difficult
Accepting the way things are puts us in the position to deal with it. Sometimes, we can’t bear to, so we lie to ourselves so we get out of it. Some people say it is the easy way out of things, but emotionally, it can feel like the only way. If something is absolutely impossible to fix, some people refuse to face it or deal with it at all. Why bother? When presented with an impossible situation, staying upset over it can feel worse than pretending it isn’t so.
A Lie Feels Better
When the truth hurts and is too difficult to deal with, is it any wonder that a beautiful lie makes you feel better? Anytime we change the story to reflect what sounds better, we're lying to ourselves. If you're out of money, it might feel better to go into debt to feel like you're rich. If the person you're dating never seems to have time for you, it might seem easier to say that they're busy than to accept that they are refusing to make you a priority. If the truth feels good, you're not going to take a lie over the truth. Sometimes you can complain well and get results instead of pretending. Find out how here: How to Make a Complaint That Gets Results
Signs You Self-Deceive
Signs you self-deceive are obvious to everybody else, but sometimes you can tell if you are doing it to yourself. If you are unable to discuss things that upset you, chances are you are lying to yourself. If thinking about it makes you abuse substances to cope or people don’t bring up topics around you, then you are probably lying to yourself about it. You will go out of your way to focus on other things- anything to avoid dealing with whatever you lie to yourself about. People will also come right out and address the issues with you.
You Can’t Discuss Things
When you lie to yourself about things, sometimes, you can't talk about it. You might discuss how happy whatever you're lying to yourself about makes you, but you can't discuss the truth. You can’t discuss the debt you are in while you are buying something expensive you don’t need. You can’t discuss your best friend’s betrayal last week, so you invite that friend to dinner to pretend everything is okay. You can’t talk about the fact you chose to drop out of school and that you can’t get the job you want- and that nobody is being unfair to you. If the truth being presented makes you refuse to talk about it or you change the subject, you are lying to yourself.
It Makes You Abuse Substances
When you lie to yourself about something that's upsetting and try to convince yourself that it isn't so, one of the nasty things that can happen is you can rely on substance abuse to help you cope. If you suddenly need an adult beverage every time something reminds you that you're lying to yourself, you're not facing facts. Next time you start to feel emotionally upset, instead of reaching for a drink or whatever pill you take or whatever it is that you smoke to calm down, really think about why you're upset. Why does addiction happen anyhow? Find out here: The Science Behind Addictions - Why They Happen
People Avoid Upsetting Topics
When you're lying to yourself, people will avoid discussing it. Sometimes they don't want to talk about the fact that you're living in a lie that they know is unhealthy, and other times they avoid talking about it because they know it's going to upset you. This serves to help you maintain the lie. How do you react when people point out a truth that you're avoiding? Do you deny it or do you start a fight? Do you tell people they're imagining things? Or do you cut off communication with them? People don't want to deal with this, so they just won't discuss the things that you're lying to yourself about.
You Distract Yourself
Focusing on other things and other people instead of the truth is a coping mechanism when you can't handle what's going on. A very common way that people do this is to look down on other people, criticizing their struggles instead of focusing on their own. Another common way is to pretend that something isn't actually happening and to deny it. This makes you function in what some people could call an alternate reality, but there's actually only one reality. Hiding from the truth doesn't change it. It's always easy to avoid the truth when you're busy focusing on something else. The truth can be highly offensive. Find out how to offend people here: The Best Ways to Create Offense
People Point it Out
When you lie to yourself and it's terribly obvious, sometimes people point it out. Pretending your partner is cheating isn't going to make them stop cheating. When your best friend points out that everybody can tell it but you, do you get mad at your best friend or do you wake up? If you are overly invested in the lie, you might disown your best friend and want to spend more time with your cheating partner. When the people who love you point out the fact that you're lying to yourself, they're not giving you a hard time. They're trying to help.
What Self-Deception Causes
Self-deception can seem like a good idea at the time, because it makes you feel better. Some people are okay with that because feeling better helps, especially at first. Unfortunately, it holds us back from dealing with what is really happening and nothing gets better because nothing changes.
Makes Us Feel Better- For Now
Rejecting ugly truths, or just not dealing with them can feel very good. It can make you feel like horrible things won’t affect you and that you can run from them forever. Feeling better about things by denying them is the first thing self-deception accomplishes. Sometimes, at first, ignoring things can give us the time to gather up our strength to eventually deal with them- but we can’t lie to ourselves forever. One thing that can make you feel better is getting the guidance you need. Read more here: Finding Your Guide When You’re Lost
It Keeps Us from Reality
The next thing lying to yourself does is to keep you away from the way things really are. It’s like being in a dark room with someone who wants to attack you. You might not be able to see your attacker, but they are still there, ready to hurt you. Would you rather turn the light on so you can protect yourself, or keep the light off so they can attack you without you knowing they are coming? It’s better in the long run, even though it is upsetting, to face bad things than to try and ignore them.
Nothing Changes
If you avoid things and how they really are, you can’t fix anything. Some situations resolve themselves, but do you have to hide from such things? Usually not. Usually, things have to be resolved by us to get better. If you ignore things by pretending that they are not the way they are, you can’t fix anything. Nothing will get better, nothing will change, and all the bad things that upset you so much that you don’t want to deal with will continue. You want to make positive changes instead of letting things stay bad. Find out how to make positive changes in life here: How to Make Positive Changes
How to End Self-Deception
There is a simple formula to use to stop lying to yourself about things. First, you have to accept things for the way they are, and if you need to, get someone else’s insight on things. You are going to have to step into the situation instead of hiding from it by lying to yourself about it by allowing yourself to grieve, and move past it, into the way things really are.
Accept Things
At some point, you are going to have to admit that you have deceived yourself and instead accept things for how they really are. That can include accepting hurtful things, and the fact that pretending is not helping. Once you admit everything to yourself, and accept the truth, changes can begin.
Get Clarification
You may be struggling to understand everything that is happening. Reach out to someone you trust for clarification. Sometimes, we deceive ourselves so well, someone else has to help us to understand things. Who has helped to love and guide you through life? Reach out to them now. Blind faith won’t help clarify anything- but is it ever good? Find out here: Faith Over Fear? Why Not to Believe Blindly
Grieve
When the truth hurts so bad you have lied to yourself about it, you have done that to avoid pain. That pain creates its own form of grief. There comes a day when you accept the truth, and as you’re dealing with it, you wonder how you can move past it. That will happen. First, you have to process how it hurts you and you have to sit with the grief and pain for as long as you need to. Accepting an ugly truth when a more comfortable lie has kept you going takes an immense amount of strength. You can do it. Find out how to deal with grief here: How Can We Deal with Loss and Communicate with the Dead?
Grow
During and after grief, you are called to grow beyond the experience of hurting from the truth. You are called to walk in truth. This can be the most humbling experience of your life, but it is also liberating. Functioning effectively in the way things are helps you to walk meaningfully in your life. Leave the lies you tell yourself in the past and pledging to face things, deal with them effectively, and know that nothing, no matter how difficult it seems, is too much for you to overcome. You are stronger than the most powerfully difficult things in life. Always.
Self-deception is a protective technique we use when the truth hurts us worse than hiding from it. Instead of helping, it hurts us because it keeps us from moving forward. When you are ready to stop the self-deception, accept things for the way they are, and ask for clarification from somebody you trust if you need it. Allow yourself to be completely present with what is happening , no matter how upsetting it is, and take all the time you need to grieve. Then comes the magic- your magic. After the grief, get up, and move forward into your brighter tomorrows, armed with the truth!
Do you need help and support with clarifying a confusing situation? That is what we are here for. So, reach out for a reading any time any day!
