Being unappreciated ends relationships and makes good people say goodbye from jobs and communities. Find out what unappreciation is, why it happens, and what to do about it.
When was the last time you felt appreciated by the people in your life? If you can’t remember, something is wrong. Appreciation can be all it takes to make people want to stick around for the long haul, and when it’s not there, it can be all it takes to make people disappear for good. Join Mysticsense to find out all about the value of being appreciated. Find out what appreciation is and signs you’re appreciated. Find out what unappreciation is, why it happens, and some signs you’re not appreciated. Maybe you’ve been unappreciated, but guess what? There are things you can do to assert your right to be treated with the appreciation you deserve. Read on to find out just what to do to make sure you are appreciated.
What is Appreciation?
“Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.”- H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Appreciation means understanding the worth or significance of something and the value of it. If somebody is appreciative of you, they understand the importance of what you've been doing, and they are thankful. To be truly appreciated people have to both understand and be thankful for something. Some people say that you don't really appreciate what you have unless you lose it. You can appreciate everything you own and the people in your life even if you've never lost them, though.
Usually when we talk about appreciation, it's not about appreciation for things. It’s appreciation for other people. That means gratefulness for the things that people do for us. Our contributions at work, in our relationships, and in our communities come from our hard work and dedication. We don't do things just for recognition, but if we pour our heart and soul out and someone isn't thankful for all that we do, they don't appreciate us. Everybody wants to be appreciated and respected. Find out how to get and give respect here: The Art of Being Respectful and Being Respected
Signs You’re Appreciated
“ A person who feels appreciated will always do more than expected.”- Anonymous
We don't do things for recognition or to be thanked, but appreciation should happen anyways. It's easy to tell when people appreciate you. They treat you with respect and they care about your feelings. People who appreciate you treat you fairly and they reciprocate by compensating you well.
You Are Respected
Respect is a positive feeling you have for someone, and because of this positive feeling or view you have of someone, you will honor them. When people respect you, you'll be able to tell. They will listen to what you have to say and might even seek out your advice. They won’t waste your time and if they disagree with you, they will do so without attacking. They will acknowledge your strengths and achievements, and they won’t push your boundaries. They will have a regard for your rights and wishes and they will treat you with dignity.
Your Feelings Matter
People who appreciate you understand that feelings aren't everything, but feelings are very important. People who appreciate you won't ever do anything to hurt you. That's because they care about how you feel. If they accidentally upset you, they will be sorry and they will do whatever they can to make up for it. They will listen when you express how you feel and they will adjust their behavior accordingly if they need to. They will apologize if they do something wrong and they will do their best to never do it again. Empaths have a special ability to feel other people’s feelings. Are you an empath? Find out here: How to Tell if You Are an Empath
You Are Treated Fairly
When people appreciate you, they will give you fair treatment. They won't put you last and they won't choose other people over you. That doesn't necessarily mean that you are their favorite however, it just means but even if you're not their favorite, you're going to be treated well anyways. You will be given what you deserve, and you might even be asked what you want before something is offered to you. Your needs and preferences will be taken into account and you will be treated just as well as everybody else.
You Are Well Compensated
When you are appreciated, you will be compensated well for the things that you do. On the job, if you're appreciated, your pay and benefits will be good. If you do a volunteer position, you'll be thanked and maybe even given gifts. Friends who appreciate you reaching out to them will reach out to you also. Pay attention to how people who you do things for treat you. Do they reciprocate or do they make you do everything? Equal reciprocity shows appreciation. How does your community treat you? Read about nurturing and building community here: Our Communities: Building and Nurturing Them
What is Unappreciation?
“When you don’t come from struggle, appreciation is a quality that’s difficult to come by.”- Shania Twain
Being unappreciated is the exact opposite of being appreciated. It means you don't get the gratitude, understanding, or the recognition that you deserve and you are undervalued. Just because someone or something is unappreciated doesn't mean that there's no value. It just means that someone who benefits doesn't see the value of what they're getting. It means people aren't thankful for the things that you do for them, and they're not thankful for the good quality of what you do. How many people feel unappreciated? A lot, actually. In 2023, HR Dive reported that one in two people feel undervalued at work. Read more here: How many workers feel undervalued? Almost half, Workhuman suggests | HR Dive
Why Are People Unappreciative?
“ An ungrateful person suffers in the poverty of endless discontentment.”- David A. Bednar
There are multiple reasons why somebody could be lacking an appreciation for the things and people that they should appreciate. They might have a sense of entitlement, like everything is owed to them. They might be unstable people and can't understand how much they should appreciate things. It's also possible that you have volunteered to do something for someone that they never ask for and they, therefore, don't appreciate it.
They Feel Entitled
Some people just believe that things are owed to them. So they don't appreciate what anybody does for them. This could happen for a number of reasons. Some people are somehow spoiled, and they believe that the world will hand them everything they want even if they don't work for it. Some people feel like their families owe them everything they want. Some employers feel like they are entitled to use and abuse their employees. Entitlement happens anytime somebody feels like something should be done for them and that they don't have to give any thanks for it. If somebody acts entitled, it can make you hold a grudge- but a grudge might not be a bad thing. Read more here:Are Grudges Good or Bad?
They Are Unstable
Some unappreciative people are that way because they're unstable. They may not have been taught proper manners, or they may have some kind of a psychiatric disorder. When someone is unstable and they don't appreciate you, it is nothing personal. There is something within them that makes them unable to give appreciation. Sometimes you can point things out to them, but a lot of times, unstable people’s unappreciation won't change.
They Never Asked
There are some limited situations where we overextend ourselves and do things that are not required. At first, it might feel like you're going above and beyond. However, when you do things for people that they didn't ask for, especially if they don't want those things, they may not appreciate what you've done. There comes a time to be thoughtful of the people who we love, and there comes a time to ask before they do things for them. If you go out of your way for people who don't love you, they won't appreciate it. One thing people don't appreciate is advice they didn't ask for. Find out what to do when you get unsolicited advice here: What to Do with Unsolicited and Unwelcome Advice
Signs You’re Not Appreciated
“ If they don’t appreciate you, they don’t deserve you.” – Mary J. Blige
There are some easy ways to tell if someone doesn't appreciate you. If they waste your time or otherwise show that they don't value that, they don't appreciate you. If they talk down to you or don't defend you in your absence, they have no appreciation of you. If they don't thank you or give you credit for what you do, they don't appreciate you.
Your Time is Not Valued
Do you have a friend that always shows up late or interrupts you when they know you're busy? Do your kids refuse to let you sleep or get better when you're sick even though they don't need anything? Does someone expect you to be the one to reach out all the time, but they never bothered to reciprocate? These things are all signs someone doesn't value your time and they don't appreciate you.
You Are Talked Down To
If someone insults you, uses condescending tones of voice, is overly critical of what you do, or just isn't nice in the way that they talk to you, they're talking down to you. This shows that they don't appreciate you. When somebody behaves that way, it's upsetting, but they're doing a favor. Though letting you know that they don't appreciate you. Some unappreciative people are chronically unhappy and you can read about how to combat that here: Learning to be Satisfied When You’re Never Happy
They Don’t Defend You
If you're involved with someone who doesn't defend you in your absence, they don't appreciate you. If somebody really loves and respects you, they won't let anybody speak against you. They might even let you know what's been said behind your back. If they can't do those things for you, they don't appreciate you.
You Are Not Thanked
Most people are taught to say “thank you” when someone is nice to them. Some people can't do that. If you're thankful for something someone has done for you, you should tell them. If somebody can't thank you for the things you do for them, they're not appreciative of you. Being thankful is a virtue and you can read about embracing virtues here: What is a Virtue and How Can You Embody it?
You’re Not Given Credit
People deserve to be given credit for their hard work. This goes beyond being thanked. When there has been a group project, everyone who worked on it should be given credit for what they did. When you are a reliable person who is always available to help, you should be given credit for doing that. People who don't give you credit for the good things you do don't appreciate you.
How to Combat Unappreciation
“If someone doesn’t appreciate your presence, make them appreciate your absence.”- Anonymous
Some people believe that it's possible to demand appreciation, but we can't control other people. The only thing you can do is react to lack of appreciation and there are a few things that you can do. First off you can speak up and tell people that you don't deserve the lack of appreciation. If that doesn't fix things, you can step away and then just stop caring about what they've done.
Speak Up
If you have spent all of your time helping your new spouse take care of your step kids, and the spouse or the kids appreciate it, tell them how you feel. Letting people know that you are aware of their lack of appreciation can make them behave more appreciatively. I can also make you feel better because that you get to have your say. There is nothing wrong with taking up for yourself and when somebody is unappreciative, they deserve to be called out for it. So speak up for yourself, and tell people you deserve appreciation!
Step Away
Walk away when you realize you are not appreciated. Don't waste your time or energy on people who don’t appreciate you. There will be other people who do appreciate you. Those are the people to give your hard work, caring, time, and love to. There are only 24 hours in a day you can't get time back that you've wasted on unappreciative people, so step away from people who don’t appreciate you and focus on people who do.
Stop Caring
When you first realize that you are not appreciated, it can really hurt. People who don't appreciate you don't deserve your good work and efforts. They especially aren't worth being upset over. Every time you start to feel upset because someone has shown that they don't appreciate you, simply say to yourself, “They are not worth it,” and think about the people who do appreciate you.Use this technique every single time you start to get upset about being unappreciated. It might take a while to stop hurting, but as time passes, if you use this technique, it will stop hurting.
When you have poured love, good work, and positive energy into a situation, job, or a relationship and you're not appreciated, it can break your heart. People are unappreciative for reasons like being entitled, unstable, or because you overextended yourself and did things they didn't want. Signs you're unappreciated include your time not being valued, spoken to unkindly, or not being thanked. We can't control whether somebody behaves appreciatively or not, but we can control whether we do things for appreciative people. So, step away from unappreciative people and do things for the people that appreciate you. Nobody else deserves you!
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