TL;DRLove, fate, destiny. These all bring big questions to our minds, and they are all things we count on to make us happy. Join Mysticsense as we explore the road to happiness, and what to do to walk that path well.
How to find things and people to bring into your life that make you happy and how to find true love isn’t all that simple. The fact is, there is no one way to find happiness for everybody, and all of us have to figure out for ourselves just how to live a happy life. There are some guidelines that can be shared, but remember, even then, what makes one person happy won’t do anything for someone else’s happiness.
What is happiness to begin with and why shouldn’t we chase it? How do we own up to ugly truths so we can deal with them, how do we quell self-defeating thoughts, and how do we cut out negativity? Should we relocate or change jobs to find happiness, what should we do about toxic relationships even if we love someone, and just how do we find our own happiness in general? Join Mysticsense to learn these things and more today!
What is Happiness?
Happiness is defined as the state of being happy. This can also be called satisfaction, contentment, pleasure, and joy. It can just be the absence of sadness, but there is one thing it’s not. Happiness is not a permanent state of being that you reach by enlightenment or spiritual power. If you are sick, starving, in a lot of pain, or very lonely and there is nothing you can do about it, being ultra-spiritual will not keep you in a state of ecstatic joy that is so powerful that no sorrow can touch you. If you have a falling out with a best friend, it will still hurt even if you feel like you are basically a happy person. You will still grieve if someone you love dies, and if you are mistreated at work, it will still stress you.
Knowing how to be happy will not cancel out the possibility of suffering, in other words, and if someone tells you that it will, they are people who operate under the attitude of what is called “toxic positivity.” They might also tell sick people that if only they had more positive thoughts, their bodies could magically heal themselves. For that matter, we may as well assume that we can live forever if it is mind over matter alone that governs life, but that’s not possible either. The first thing you need to do in order to learn how to be happy is to accept the fact that happiness can come and go, and knowing how to be happy will not make you some super human who will be immune from all other emotions.
Happiness is defined by some as a choice and a way of being, and to an extent, that is very true. It is also true, however, that it is impossible to be happy the moment a tornado has decimated your home, or immediately following any other tragic accident. On the other hand, it is also very fair to point out that we can make ourselves absolutely miserable over small things that really don’t matter and choosing not to do so is very wise and good for our wellbeing. The key to being happy is finding things to bring into your life that give you happiness and dealing healthfully with experiences that hurt you. There are plenty of different ways to work towards this, but below are some suggestions that might help.
Don’t Chase Happiness
Some people tell themselves that once they achieve this ONE goal, or gain this ONE thing , then they can “finally be happy.“ For some people, it is buying their dream house or moving to a city they dream about. Some people believe that once they meet someone they love and they get married, that they will live “happily ever after.” Others believe that becoming parents will make them eternally joyous or that getting the “perfect job” will be the event that makes them happy forever.
While these things certainly can make us happy, even once we get the things we want, other things can still go wrong. Even if your marriage is perfect, you and your spouse may be forced to work schedules opposite one another, so that you barely see each other for a while, and that is not something that is going to make either of you happy. Plenty of parents become dismayed because sometimes their beautiful children grow into moody teenagers who say things like “ I hate you!” or refuse to do their schoolwork. That dream house can become an absolute nightmare with maintenance and upkeep costs taking more money and time than you had planned.
Make sure you have the things and experiences in life you want can help make you happy, but don’t assume that attaining things you desire will ensure nothing undesirable ever happens or that these things will make a perfect life. Most of all, don’t make yourself miserable, telling yourself that you can never be happy without certain things you want. Hinging your entire sense of happiness on one thing can set you up for unnecessary grief and chasing that ONE thing can develop into a habit.
For example, if you make it a habit of refusing to allow yourself any happiness until you get your master’s degree, once you get that, then you might say you can’t be happy until you get your dream job. Once you get the job, you might say you will not be happy until you get the promotion. Once you get the promotion, there will be something else you seek that you refuse to be happy without. No one thing can make a life entirely happy, so don’t chase happiness like it is dependent on only one thing.
Own Up to It
Learning how to own up to ugly truths is a big step toward being happy. This is because when you accept ugly truths, you can begin to face them, work through them, and resolve whatever issues they create. Otherwise, you will be dealing with the consequences of refusing to accept things as they are. For example, say your best friend has some sort of a terrible problem behavior, and it keeps them from holding on to a job or place to live. Moving them in with you will make that your problem too, and you might not be able to afford to pay another person’s bills when they lose jobs. However, if you accept that your friend needs help, you might be able to talk them into getting into a treatment program, which will help them immensely with kicking their issues to the curb.
It's a lot easier to accept when somebody who we love has a problem, though, isn’t it? It’s a lot harder to take a look at ourselves and accept that we are the ones who need to improve. Self-improvement can happen from birth to death, and some insist that whatever we don’t learn to work through in this life will follow us into the next life through reincarnation. If it makes it any easier, there are no perfect people, and everybody else is learning to better themselves one day at a time also. If you are able to accept the fact you make mistakes and learn from them as opposed to refusing to own up to that, you won’t repeat the same mistakes over and again. This will help you to have a less stressful and happier life.
Stop Self Defeating Thoughts
While it is good to accept that we can learn, grow, and improve, it is not at all helpful to beat ourselves down with self-defeating thoughts. Everybody is worthy of learning to be better, and the good part is, some things about us are plenty good enough already! Some people are raised by somebody who puts them down from the time they are children, and as adults, they have internalized the negative messages about themselves. Self esteem sometimes does not develop when this has happened, and it has to develop when we are adults instead. Sometimes, we are lucky that our families were very loving and supportive when we were growing up, but a significant other, individual, or a group we have been exposed to has made us think poorly of ourselves and it takes a lot of work on ourselves emotionally to undo the thought patterns that were instilled upon us.
Regardless of why, one good technique to unlearn these toxic self-defeating thought tendencies is through positive affirmations. If you were somehow made to believe that you are incapable of learning to be a good cook, remind yourself that nobody was born cooking well, and it is a skill anybody can learn. If you were told that you are incapable of finishing your college degree, remind yourself that you can, with time, but only if you keep trying. To help yourself in moments of self-doubt, go into a room alone. Look into a mirror, look yourself in the eye in the mirror, and say, “Yes, I can do this, and then go out and try. Let every step in the right direction serve as a reminder that you CAN!
Learning how to eliminate negativity will greatly increase your happiness. Sometimes, negativity comes in the form of self-defeating thoughts, and unlearning those thoughts is the key to success at being happy. However, other times, the negativity is not in any way our doing, and changes must be made. You may live in a neighborhood where the neighbors are so noisy, it is keeping you from sleeping, and the landlord won’t step in and resolve the issue. That’s okay because you can always move when the lease is up. Yes, you can.
Maybe your best friend is more of a “frenemy” than a friend, and all you have to do is write them off. Yes, you can. Maybe your job is toxic, but guess what? It might not happen overnight, but you can get a different job. Imagine how good you will feel walking out of that awful job on your very last day, knowing you will never have to deal with that place again. Yes, you can. It is very rare that you are stuck in a situation that there is no escape from and you are relegated to suffer there forever, thankfully.
You might just have to put up with things until you find a way out. In the meantime, you can use energy work to push away negativity and bring in good energy and you can read about how to do that here: How To Make Positive Energy at Work and at Home | Mysticsense
Should I Move to Chicago?
“Bloom where you are planted” is a quote attributed to several people including Mary Engelbreit and “We didn’t get to choose where life planted us. It’s our choice, however, how well we bloom.” is another quote by Michael P. Watson. These charming quotes ignore the fact that the world is a big place, and if you are not happy somewhere or in a situation, you might just be happy somewhere else instead. “Why should I move to Chicago when I could take time to “bloom” here?” Well, One man loved Chicago, and always wanted to live there. He visited Chicago often and longed to be there whenever he was away. One day, he decided it was time to “blossom” where he WANTED to, and that was Chicago. He moved there, and never regretted it. Yes, he lived “happily ever after” because all the things and people he wanted to be with were there.
“Wherever you go, there you are” is another quote attributed to Thomas a Kempis. This expresses the fact that sometimes, we create our own problems and moving away for a “fresh start” is not possible when we take our bad decision-making habits with us, because we will have all the same problems no matter where we move! In these situations, it is true that we have to “blossom into” where we live, and it is also very fair to say that sometimes we cannot just pack up and move wherever we please. Probably, someday in the future, we can, but it is worth it to try and make the best of things where we are temporarily stuck until we can move. At least some good times can still be had while we are planning to leave in the future!
But I Love Him!
A loving woman may insist that love always finds its way to fix things, but this isn’t true. People fix things, and some people don’t believe anything needs fixed. If this is the situation, and the man or woman who you love is basically making life unbearable, you may find yourself saying “ I love him, BUT he makes me miserable!” A situation like this may have you afraid that not everyone is meant to find love, but nothing could be farther from the truth. How to find a partner is partially based on love, and it’s partially based on whether they make a happy life with you or not.
We don’t get to decide who we love and contrary to popular belief, we don’t get to decide how the people who we love make us feel. Thankfully, however, we do get to decide how we react to how they make us feel. Sometimes, if somebody truly loves us, they will compromise because they care about how they make us feel, but sometimes, people who we love don’t love us, and they might want us around, but they don’t care about how they make us feel. If you love somebody, a relationship with them ought to be something that makes you happy. If somebody is hurting you or mistreating you and won’t stop, there is something you can consider. Should you let them go?
Should I Let Go?
Sometimes, you and the person you have your heart set on just don’t have good love compatibility with each other, and you are faced with the ugly decision as to whether to let them go or not. Sometimes, nobody did anything wrong, but you just can’t make a happy life happen with one another due to different lifestyles, and it is better for both people to part as friends, wish each other well, and move forward into relationships that do work. Sometimes, everything went wrong, one or both people are to blame, there is irreparable damage to the relationship, and breaking up is the only thing that can be done. No matter how badly parting ways may hurt, there are times that staying together is worse, and nothing can change that. How can you know if you need to break things off?
Here are some things to consider: Letting Someone You Love Go | Mysticsense
Allow Yourself Time to Heal
“Time will heal a broken heart” is another saying which expresses the fact that nobody has a love destiny that dictates they will be broken hearted forever. On one hand, this is true, but on the other hand, some things hurt at least a little bit for the rest of our lives, and nothing can change that. It is easier to get through it, however, if you allow yourself the time to grieve instead of trying to live as if what happened didn’t hurt at all. Healing might take a long time, and that’s alright. Each person heals differently, and while some people may be okay almost immediately, other people take longer to be okay.
One thing you must do for yourself to help insure you are happy is to allow yourself the time, space, and self-love to heal at your own pace and in the way you personally need to heal. Some people may try to rush your healing, but you can tell them no and let them know you are healing in your own way. Other people may insist that if you don’t take them back or forget about what happened, you are holding a grudge and that will hold back healing. That’s not true either. You are the one who hurts, and your healing is about you, not other people. Only you know exactly what you need to heal, and nobody else gets to decide that for you.
Walk Your Own Path
“ I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.” Angela Davis
Can you change the future if you are unhappy with how things presently are, and can you find ways to have the things that make you feel better about your life? Yes, you can. While there are things that we have absolutely no control over, there are some things we can control, and those things can in turn help fix the things we cannot fix on our own. One woman had been raised very poor, and had thus been unable to finish high school. She found herself without her high school diploma in her late twenties, and she desperately wanted a better job future for herself. She knew she could not turn back the clock and change the past, and she also knew she could not have all she wanted immediately, so she started working toward the future she wanted. She took GED classes, got her GED, and enrolled in college courses.
She could have said her past held her back and it was too late, and she could have said she did not have time because she had to work and raise her children, but she found a way to do it all. In less than two years of starting to make changes, she was already finished with one college course, and on her way to earn another certification. She also had been hired for exactly the type of job in the field she wanted. She was not happy about some of the unfair things she had experienced in life that she should not have had to, but she did not let it hold her back from changing her life to make it the way she wanted it to be. If she could do it, so can we!
Like this woman who changed her future, we can’t control everything, and it is true that sometimes all we can control is our own reaction. We do have a lot of say in things, however, and we have the power to bring the things and people into our lives that are right for us. Using our personal power to do this will make us happier than any one thing we could buy and learning what things make us feel satisfied with life will show us what to work towards. May you find all the happiness you desire all the days of your life, and may you know just what to do to keep the things that make you unhappy away. So be it!
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