There are countless questions that fill our minds when we are in the early stages of a relationship with someone; why is it that every time we get close he pulls away? Why has she pushed me away when we were doing so well? How come he pulls me in and pushes me away? Read this article to understand why she or he’s pulling away, why putting up walls only makes things harder and what the signs are that you need to give up something in a relationship. In this article we will explore
- Why do we Play Hard to Get in Relationships?
- When Does Playing Hard to Get Become Jealousy?
- When is it Time to Give Up?
- How to Know He Loves Me?
- How to Know I Love Him?
‘Playing hard to get’ is a phenomenon almost all of us will have some familiarity with in our personal relationships. It’s a phrase that refers to a person withdrawing and purposefully showing less interest in a love potential for a variety of different reasons. However, the most common reason why people adopt this sneaky technique is to make themselves appear more appealing to the person they are interested in. They may wish to seem more desirable, mysterious and generally unobtainable, and do so by exuding an elitist energy. The success of playing hard to get has mixed results, with some seeing the technique as a surefire way to bore a love potential, while others argue the exact opposite - they see playing hard to get as a way to spark intrigue and capture their suitor’s attention. As such, playing hard to get comes as a bit of a gamble in love; you may run the risk of completely pushing someone away by leading them to believe you aren’t interested at all. Or, even worse, you may convince yourself that you no longer have feelings for them. Treading the line between being attractively unavailable and completely shut off is a very hard skill to master.
Why is He Pushing Me Away?
Sadly, most of us are no stranger to the gut-wrenching feeling of a partner turning cold and shutting us out. This may be a gradual process, evolving over time, whereby they act differently and no longer show the same enthusiasm in a relationship that they once did. So many thoughts may swirl around your head in these moments; what did I say? Is she just busy? Does he no longer find me attractive anymore? Whatever thoughts you may be having, the uncomfortable truth is that you are unlikely to know for sure, unless you strike up meaningful lines of communication. Your partner may have met difficulties with expressing their emotions in a relationship setting and, as such, need help in drawing them out. Otherwise, there may be underlying problems in the relationship causing your partner stress, and instead of facing them head-on, they choose to bury their head in the sand. And lastly, in some cases, lovers push us away when they fear their feelings are growing too deep. Commitment phobes are all too commonplace and can cause plenty of heartbreak, so in these instances we need to remember that it is not us, it’s all them.
Why do I Push Him Away?
As briefly mentioned above, often we push people away when we fear our attachment is getting out of hand. Intimacy and affection can be so incredibly enticing at the beginning stages of a relationship, but it’s when we fear we are losing control that we throw our hands in the air and quit. We all need to learn to be more vulnerable, more open and more willing to let other people in. We can enjoy authentic and meaningful love when we do so. With that said, regardless of whether you believe you have healed from a past relationship that ended sourly, you might still possess fears of further rejection or loss. The instinct to protect yourself becomes all consuming as you develop a relationship with a new partner. At the end of the day, you don't want to experience rejection or loss again. The thought that "if I push them away before they get too close, they can't hurt me" is likely to cross your mind. It's sometimes unconsciously that we start arguments and avoid emotional intimacy - but the results are usually the same.
Why am I Indecisive About Everything?
What would life be without an element of anxiety or indecision? In fact, in some ways, not having a clear path carved out ahead of us can lead us towards even greater destinations - destinations that we never would have imagined journeying down. All of this is especially true in the context of love and relationships - we agonize over love potentials and try to see fault in them before they see fault in ourselves. We are so scared of being hurt and vulnerable that we build up walls before we get a chance to form a connection. This is why indecision is a curse in dating, as it can instantly write off some truly fantastic matches. Of course, red flags, bad vibes and a lack of chemistry are more than valid reasons to call it off with a lover, but making sure to avoid festering in your indecisions is a great way to give yourself and your potential partner the best possible chance in love. Time is divine when it comes to love, so waste no time in sweating the small stuff.
So, when a person plays hard to get, it can be hard to figure out what is motivating this behavior. However, one big reason is jealousy. This is because often when lovers withdraw and pretend they don’t care, it's because they are so fearful of portraying the opposite. In fact, they care to such an extent that pulling away completely and giving their lover the cold shoulder is the only way they know how to process these jealous feelings without causing a scene. They also want to make it known that they, too, are desirable to others and aren’t ‘easily had’, so playing hard to get is their way of expressing this. At the end of the day, it is incredibly toxic to bind someone in a relationship through these means, so it is important that we work on ourselves before jumping in head first.
Signs of Jealousy in a Woman
When women are jealous in particular, they are often far more overt with expressing this than men. She is far more likely than her male counterparts to ‘rise to the challenge’ and prevent herself from falling into the background. She may draw attention to herself, become more expressive with her gestures and change the pitch of her voice. Of course, the way women show jealousy is not one-size fits all, but there is definitely an association with trying to stand out from the crowd rather than withdraw or give the cold shoulder. In the same vein, jealous women may return the favor and try to make you jealous instead. Perhaps she starts to spend more time flirting with male friends or pays you less attention on a night out. Whatever it may be, it is up to her partner to know the best angle to deal with it.
Signs of Jealousy in a Man
Again, while certainly not a one-size-fits-all situation, men are more likely to pull back and shut down when they feel jealous in a relationship. With the exception of some outliers, you are unlikely to witness a man trying to put on a display or compete with another person they find threatening. Instead, they remove themselves from the situation in hopes that their partner will feel their absence and divert their attention back onto them. Some may see this as a form of playing hard to get, although the motivations behind this behavior is more vengeful in nature. The way some men deal with jealousy can be quite cold and calculating, so making sure to spot the red flags when they appear is crucial. The more chances you give someone, the closer you need to come to realizing that things aren’t working out quite as they should.
Some may say that a little bit of jealousy can keep a relationship interesting or on its toes. While this may be the case for some, it’s best to avoid this territory altogether as it can grow unhealthy in the long run. In fact, it’s important to remember that a partner showing jealousy in a relationship is not a sign of true love. People can be jealous simply because they feel insecure and lacking in control. They may even show jealousy if they feel their reputation is under threat, rather than considering the relationship itself. If these instances sound familiar to you, it’s probably time to take your energy elsewhere. While relationships are hard work, they shouldn’t be mentally draining or more taxing than fulfilling. Being jealous and playing hard to get are all gateways into broader toxic behavior that can be truly damaging over time. Try to find the courage to put yourself first and get out of these situations.
How to know he is in love with me? Well, it can be pretty hard to know when a guy is actually in love with you. However, there are a few sure signs to look out for;
1. He Puts You First
When a guy will cancel plans with his friends, take time off from his favorite activities and put your own needs before his, you can be sure his feelings for you run deep. Of course, a man should not be expected to do all of these things, but if you notice he does, it’s a really great sign. It shows that you fit amongst all of his other favorite things in life, rather than falling to the bottom of the priority list.
2. He Shows You Off
One of the biggest red flags in a relationship is a partner who doesn’t proudly flaunt his lover. When guys are deeply in love, you can expect them to invite you to events with him, introduce you to his friends and family and feature you all over their instagram. Of course, all guys show love differently, and some may be less ‘showy’ in their affections, but when a guy is proud of the girl he is with, you are sure to know about it.
3. He Remember the Little Things
If a guy buys you a piece of jewelry you pointed out months ago, or invites you to watch a movie you’ve been talking non-stop about for weeks, you have found yourself a keeper. This is because not only does he want to please you by engaging with your interests, but he is proving that he is constantly listening and attentive to you on a daily basis.
Is it friendly or flirting? Knowing if a guy is in love with you can be tricky, but sometimes, it can be even harder to know if we are in love ourselves. The signs below may be helpful in distinguishing between having feelings for a guy, and being truly in love.
1. You Picture Him in Your Future
If you think about the future, ask yourself if you see your partner in it. This doesn’t necessarily mean you instantly invisage wedding bells and a white picket fence, but visualizing future travel plans, celebrations and other notable life events with this guy by your side is a really good sign that you have serious feelings for him.
2. He Makes You Feel Safe
A guy doesn’t have to be 7 feet tall, ripped and muscular to make his partner feel safe. Instead, he needs to have a protective and reassuring energy about him that tells his partner she will be okay whenever he is around. If you feel wholly safe and comfortable around your man, this is another sign of true love.
3. You Want to Help Him
Whatever difficulties may be going on in your man’s life are likely to impact the relationship as a result. Perhaps he is having issues at work, or maybe facing problems with his family. If your instant reaction is to want to fix his predicaments and make his life easier, there’s a pretty good chance that your connection runs deeper than most.
Do you still want to know more about feelings of jealousy and playing hard to get in a relationship? There are many resources at Mysticsense that can guide you with your learning and provide insight for any other questions you may have. Get started learning more about relationships at Mysticsense today!
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