TL;DRWhen you fall for a man or woman, all you can think about sometimes is how into them you are and how you hope things will work out, but sometimes, they say you are too much or too little of something or another, and that might make you think of changing to suit them. When should you change for other people, and how much should you change? Should you let him initiate contact when you have reached out and he acts uninterested, or should you continue initiating conversation? Learn about these things and more with Mysticsense today.
So, you fell in love with somebody who you think is absolutely wonderful and you have been going out of your way initiating conversation, but they just haven’t been receptive. They finally tell you that you are “too much” this or that, and you don’t know how to deal with it. If they say you are too much into comic books, too plus sized, too athletic, too much into going out to eat with your friends group, too reserved, or whatever they say you are too much of, it can be very hurtful. Is it possible to be TOO much the way you are?
Truthfully, none of us are perfect, and we could all improve something. However, is somebody telling you that your natural personality or lifestyle is “too much” about imperfections, or is it an outright overly critical way to cut somebody down? Can you be “too” one way? How often should you initiate contact? Is it possible that he is “the one” and he just needs time to accept that, and can you be too available to people? What should you do when these issues arise? Read on to learn more!
Am I Too Opinionated?
If “She has a strong character” is something people have said about you all of your life, don’t be surprised if some people find you intimidating. Some people may, on the other hand insist you become “more outgoing” if you call yourself an introvert. If you grew up plus sized, maybe you were told to diet, and if you grew up thin, you may have been teased for being “too skinny.” That still doesn’t make you “too much” or “too little” of anything just because some people say so.
One battle that rages is whether you “should” be an introvert or an extrovert, and a lot of people have a lot to say about this. An extrovert is defined by Merriam-Webster online as someone who is outgoing or gregarious. It says an extrovert is “ a person whose personality is characterized by extroversion: a typically gregarious and unreserved person who enjoys and seeks out social interaction.” Introverts are defined as “ a person whose personality is characterized by introversion: a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone.”
An article by HuffPost reports that about one third of the population is introverted, yet introverts are “living in a culture that tends to value extroverted qualities like assertiveness and outspokenness over solitude and quiet contemplation.” However, many point out that not all introverted people are shy or don’t do public speaking well, and as far as being “antisocial” plenty of introverts are far from that. If you are introverted, and somebody misunderstands you, or criticizes you, how should you respond?
If you consider yourself introverted, how do you cope with being pushed to act extroverted? Do you start being more assertive to impress people who you are attracted to who don’t accept introverted personalities, or do you let them have their extroverted crowd, and move towards people more well suited to your introverted ways? The author is what could be called an extroverted introvert, and her husband is completely introverted. The relationship works because they both accept one another as they are, neither trying to change the other. To be accepted as you are will help you to feel free to be completely yourself in your relationships.
Writer Michaela Chung writes in depth about introverts and shares personal stories to uplift other introverts who may not get the support they deserve from people. Her advice for being criticized is:
“ We can think up a witty response to be applied as needed. We can ignore or rebuff. We can return insult with insult. We can try to educate the ignorant. I am a big fan of truth telling. As a matter of principle, I always strive to tell people the way they make me feel – especially if they made me feel badly…” Then she drops a major truth bomb when she writes “You are enough. Just be.” To read more by her, see here: About - Introvert Spring
Whether it’s your level of introversion or extroversion or something else about you that somebody who you care about dislikes, the way they express their displeasure will say a lot about whether you have a stable relationship or not. It’s one thing if they ask you not to try and make them stay out late going out to clubs, because it’s too late for them when they have to get up early for work. It’s quite another thing if your friend says things that they know hurt your feelings and then yell at you for “being too sensitive.” In the first case, you and your friend can get together, doing things earlier in the day and you can tell them goodnight while you have a good time clubbing with other friends. In the second case, your “friend” wants to say hurtful things and project the blame onto you for naturally being hurt by their behavior and they demonstrate they do not care about your feelings. It is up to you to decide whether you want to be in relationships with people who don’t accept and care about you or not.
“ “I wanted to talk” he said.
“I don’t want to talk,” said Jared. “And I don’t want to talk ever.”
…”Can we just talk?”
“ Alright, if you insist. Let’s talk about the many definitions of the word no.” “-Sarah Rees Brennan
There are no hard and fast rules for which of you should call the other first, and who is to give invitations to get together, but if you are the only one initiating contact and invitations, and your new friend or love interest is either “too busy” to talk or get together, or simply never responds or gets back with you, it’s a sure sign they are not interested. You have done your part to begin the relationship, and they have not been receptive. No answer is often an answer, and they are probably saying “No” to a relationship with you if they are not answering you. The only thing you can do in this situation is to simply leave them alone.
Don’t worry, though, because if they truly are very busy, but want you in their life, they will notice your absence and reach out to you. Stepping back will give them the opportunity to open up to you, letting you know they truly want you in their lives, and take part in planning time together, even if careful planning around your schedules in needed! Giving people you love the opportunity to equally participate in the relationship instead of being solely responsible for it will give them the chance to show you how much they appreciate you and care about having you in their life. There is something else to think about in regard to this and that’s being TOO available!
When you initiate contact time and again to somebody who just isn’t receptive, you have made yourself too available to somebody who doesn’t value you or your time. To be fair, there are people all of us don’t want to be involved with, so it is acceptable that somebody else doesn’t want to be involved with us. However, one of the consequences of being too available to people who don’t want to be involved with us is it takes away from the good times we spend with the people who do love us and do want to spend time with us. Is it more important to focus on THAT individual who does not want us in our lives or the people who do?
Is He the One?
“Silly girl, you’ve got to stop writing his name in Sharpie when he just writes yours in Dry Erase.”- Emily Blake
Some people hold on to hopes that somebody’s heart will change because they believe that person is the ONE they are meant to be with. Is there hidden passion he isn’t aware of yet that time will show when he said he doesn’t feel a connection? Stranger things have happened; however, do you really want to postpone your own life waiting for somebody to “come around” who flat out communicates they don’t want to be in your life? What if in the future, you do end up together? Begging him for his attention isn’t a healthy way to get him to pay attention to you. What kind of a long-term relationship could you expect if you have to fight so hard for somebody’s attention to begin with?
If he is the person you will grow old with, that means you love him. Take a step back and give him his space. In the meantime, live your own life, even if he isn’t part of it. He has chosen not to include himself, and while all relationships are two-way streets, and both people involved have the right to say yes or no to a relationship, it still hurts when somebody who you love doesn’t return the love. Nobody can deny that. Respect his right to say no, and spend time with the people who want to spend time with you instead, placing no pressure or expectations on the people who choose not to be part of your life. Don’t worry, because if they are meant to love you, they will when the time is right.
The Road to Happiness
“ Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Stop wasting energy on stuff that isn’t your business. You just do you.” – AndreaResier.com
The Universe has a plan for everybody, even people who some people think are too outspoken, too confident, too bubbly, or even too enthusiastic. On the flip side, don’t forget, there are plenty of people who chastise people for being too shy, too quiet, too studious, and too careful. Some people are never satisfied, and just want to criticize others. Sealing the deal on your happiness will entail you walking forward in life with the people who you harmonize with and who accept your beautiful personality as it is, not the people who shame you for being different than them. You are never too much or too little of anything for the right people, and don’t ever let anybody tell you differently.
“You do you” might seem cliché, but there is great wisdom in this statement. There is only one “you” in the world. We have one of everybody else, so we don’t need another of them- but we do need you! Maybe you are somebody who is constantly improving and evolving as you grow as a person, and you believe nobody is perfect and all of us could improve something. That still doesn’t mean you should change who you are to suit people who don’t actually like or love you. Don’t. Instead, let go…but of what?
Read more here - The Road to Happiness
When To Change?
We all change over time. We learn, we grow, we discard behaviors and habits and learn new ones. Henry Ford said, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got,” and he was right. As we make changes to ourselves to improve our lives, we evolve as people. We grow spiritually, and some changes create entire shifts in lifestyle and who we include in our lives. Sometimes, things change in ways that hurt us and we have to grieve and recover from this, but many times, change makes us and our lives better, but it still doesn’t change who we are, deep down in our soul. We are who we are all of our lives, and nothing can take that away from us.
When we change, it should only be to benefit us, not to gain approval from somebody who we adore who does not feel the same way about us. There are always going to be people who we like or admire and sometimes that feeling will be mutual. Sometimes, sadly, people who we like won’t like us in return, and pretending to be some way we are not might win their approval, but it won’t be them truly liking us. There is no need to worry about changing to suit the people who dislike us because plenty of people do like us. After all, the World Population Clock estimates that as of 2022, there are over 7.9 Billion people alive. It’s not possible to like all 7.9 billion people, and it is not possible that 7.9 billion people will all like us!
Let Go of Bad Energy
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”-Socrates
To let go of what you fear to lose, which is fighting for approval or love from people who won’t give it to you will make it easier to love yourself more. Letting go of thoughts that “HE is the one” when he doesn’t treat you like you are as wonderful as you deserve to be and saying “I prefer to be single than to be with somebody who doesn’t accept me” is the way to go. Opposites attract sometimes, and you may be strongly opinionated and fall for a man who isn’t, that’s okay as long as you both accept each other. Sometimes, we balance one another’s differences, and sometimes our differences drive us apart.
Even if you have eyes for him only, if he doesn’t feel the same way about you, guess what? Somebody else will, and when they do, you will thrive together, sharing beautiful love, good times, and you will create great memories together. Maybe you are too much or too little of certain things- for certain people, but you are not in any way too much or too little. We are all perfectly imperfect in our own ways, and lucky enough to have people in our lives who love us just the way we are.
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