Family can be our greatest refuge or our greatest source of heartache. Find out all the reasons family can be toxic and whether to work things out with toxic family members or cut them off.
The comforts of home, old familiar faces, and circling with the people who have known you longer, know you best, and understand you most can never be underestimated. Your family can be the greatest people in your life for these reasons. They can also wreck your life, break your heart, and make you wonder if they are worth it because sometimes, they’re just not. Join Mysticsense to investigate the case for estrangement from family. Find out what family is, how they can be toxic and if it’s wrong to cut these so-called forever associations out. Sometimes they are worth keeping, and sometimes they’re not. Deciding to cut family out of your life is not an easy decision to make, but you don’t have to make it alone, so read on to find out whether to stay or leave a toxic family relationship.
What is Family?
Family is a group of people who are related either by birth, adoption, or marriage. Different groups can comprise families. Families can be married parents who live with their children. Other families include the grandparents in the living situation, and still others are a single parent with children. Extended family as a group of people that include grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, or nephews. Family can also include the blood relatives of the people who you marry, date, or are even divorced from.
Societal pressures tend to push people to conform to household structures of families bonded together by heterosexual marriage. In today's world, plenty of people resist that. Some families have no children and live together, although they're not married. Some people don't necessarily count their blood relatives as their family members, but they do count close friends as family. Some families consist of same sex couples with or without children, and in modern times, some people have open relationships and involve a third person in their relationship, sometimes calling themselves a “throuple”. Although a lot of people disagree, plenty of people say love is love. Learn about same sex love here: LGBTQI Romance and Love
How Can Family Be Toxic?
Family can be toxic in multiple ways, but it happens because people in general can be toxic. The reason why toxic families can be especially damaging is because most people will stay within a toxic family even though it would be better for them to leave. For some people, the thought of leaving their family or even cutting off even one family member seems unbearable. Toxic people understand this and take advantage of it. If they know you can't get away from their toxic behavior, they won't do anything to behave themselves. Are you in a toxic relationship? Find out here: Are You In A Toxic Relationship? | 10 Signs of Toxic People
Family can be emotionally damaging when they verbally abuse you, reject who you truly are, try to force you to live your life in ways that are not natural to you, and take advantage of you financially. Some people who don't want to work will go from family member to family member, begging for money, or a free place to live to support a toxic lifestyle. Some people look for individuals to abuse within their own family because they feel like that abused individual can't get away from them. Then there are the verbally abusive people in a family who can't get by with talking to people in their community the way they can with family members.
Your family is supposed to be a nurturing group of people who take care of you, emotionally support you, and are there for you from the time you're born until the day you die. They are supposed to be a blessing. They are supposed to celebrate your victories, dry your tears when you're hurt, and pick you up when you feel broken, helping to put you back together. Anytime you don't get that treatment from your family, it hurts. Even if you're not outright abused by family, if your emotional needs aren't met, it can traumatize you for life. There is psychic healing for families though, and you can read about that here: Psychic Protection for Family Problems
Is Family Forever?
In some ways, family is forever, but it depends on how you define family. If you define family as simply your blood relatives, that's right, you can't change it. If you define family as a supportive group of people who you have in your life, who love and care about you, that group can change. If you only allow supportive people into your life, and shut blood relatives out who are not supportive, their status as a family member will change. We can't control who gives birth to who, or who is related to us because of marriage, but we can control how much access they have to our lives. So is family forever? They don't have to be.
Is It Wrong to Cut Family Off?
Some people say. that the greatest harm you can do is cutting off a blood relative, no matter what kind of things they do to you. Some people insist that they would never cut off a blood relative under any circumstances. So, these people say that it is absolutely wrong to cut off family. Other people say that when you have a family member who is abusing you, neglecting you, or is somehow toxic, It is a disservice to yourself if you don't cut them out of your life. Some people say that your mental health is more important than the desires of a toxic individual. Toxic families can stress you to the breaking point. That’s why self-care is so important and you can find out how to use magic in your self-care here: Magical Care for Self in Stressful Times
Should I Cut Family Off?
Whether or not you cut your family off is up to you. There are a few things to take into consideration when you're deciding. When your mental health is compromised or there is some form of abuse or danger, it’s a good idea to cut someone off. If you feel the need or desire to, that's reason enough to cut somebody off.
Your Mental Health is Compromised
Mental health care is health care, and you deserve to be happy, healthy, and have peace of mind. If a family member is damaging to your mental health, cutting them off can be a part of your healing. If someone is compromising your mental health, they really don't belong in your life. You don't owe them a place in your life if they're hurting you emotionally or psychologically. If they want to be in your life, they need to treat you better. You might love them more when they love you. Read about what it means to love somebody more here: Do They Love You More? When You Love Them More
There is Abuse
Abuse is being mistreated, and if a family member is abusing you and won't stop, they can easily be cut out of your life. When you first cut an abuser out of your life, they may try to turn other people against you, saying that you are the one abusing them by emotionally abandoning them. Let them say whatever they want. If you don't allow them around you, they can't abuse you.
You Are In Danger
Violence, the threat of being stolen from or exposed to dangerous situations such as what can be caused by substance abuse are situations that you need to steer clear of. Yes, even if a family member is responsible for these things. Anytime you're in danger, it doesn't matter if the dangerous person thinks that you owe it to them to keep them in your life. You don't. Get out and be safe. Get out of danger and into a safe space even if you have to create your own. Find out how here: Sanctuaries - How to Create Safe Spaces
You Want To
It's your life. You have a right to control who you spend time with. If you just don't want to be around a family member or your entire family, you have a right to decide that for yourself. It doesn't matter why you want to cut someone out of your life. It's your choice. Don't be surprised if people are sad and say they miss you. Just do what's best for you.
Can We Work Things Out?
Sometimes there are problems with family members, but things can be worked out anyways. If you have a family member that truly cares about you, they are likely to work things out because they want to. If things aren't toxic, but just frustrating, they can likely be worked out. Even if all your friends tell you that you should cut a family member out, what if you don't want to? If you want to work things out with your family, do what's best.
They Care
You can tell when people care about you. Your feelings, boundaries, and needs matter to them. If there's a problem, they will listen and change when you discuss things with them. Sometimes, in life, all we have is the people who we love and who love us. So go ahead and work things out with a caring family member, even if they made a mistake.
It’s Not Toxic
Some family members are annoying, embarrassing, or just plain stupid. We all have our own moments like that, believe it or not. If you have a family member who frustrates you, but they're not toxic, you might decide to work things out with them and just tolerate their quirks. That's okay. Toxic positivity is just another way people behave in toxic ways. Read about how to handle it here: How to Respond to Toxic Positivity
You Want To
No matter what is happening between you and a family member, and no matter what other people say you should do, if you really want to work things out with them, you're not going to be happy unless you try. The decision is yours.
How To Cut Family Off
Cutting family out of your life isn't easy, but it can be done in surprisingly simple ways. First, have a conversation with your family member about what behaviors aren't working, and then refuse to engage with them when they're doing things to try to control your emotions. Walk away from them if you find yourself in the room with them, and then just cut off all communication, not allowing them access to you at all. Just make sure that once you've decided to do this not to let anybody browbeat you and to recommencing a relationship with this toxic person. Your well-being is more important than what a toxic person wants.
Try to Change Things
For your own peace of mind, when you are considering cutting off a family member, have a conversation about what behaviors are hurting you before you completely cut off communication. That way, you will know that you did everything you could to work things out. If your family member refuses to compromise and continues the toxic behavior, being cut out is going to be completely their fault, not yours.
Refuse to Engage
They say it takes two to fight, because it's the truth. Your toxic family member might enjoy starting fights, getting an emotional reaction, and having complete control of everyone in the room. They can't control you if you don't let them, so don't indulge them in arguments, don't react to them, and don't even let them bother you.
Walk Away
You might not want to resort to the drastic measure of refusing to attend family gatherings if a family member who you needed to cut off is there. You can try to stay out of the room where they are. If that's not possible, you can always move to a different section of the room, and not be anywhere near them. If you're not cutting off your whole family, chances are you're going to run into this family member at some point, so just step away.
Cut Communication
Once you've decided to cut someone out of your life, whether they are a family member, an ex friend, or even an ex lover, the best way to do that is to cut off our communication. Refuse to answer the phone or respond to texts that they send. Remove them from your social media contacts. Don't answer the door when they come to see you. Block their number so they can't call. If they can't communicate with you, they can't be in your life.
Stick to Your Guns
When you are estranged from one or more family members, you may have other well meaning family members who think that they can fix everything. To be fair, some people believe that family is forever and without family cohesion, we have nothing. However, it's not their decision. If they want to maintain a relationship with someone who behaves that way, that's their right and it's their business. Your need to cut someone out of your life isn't other people’s business. If you've made the decision that it's going to be better for you to cut somebody off, don't let anyone talk you into changing your mind.
Some people say blood is thicker than water, but so are some of the things that poison us. You don't ever, under any circumstances, have to keep a member of your family in your life, let alone stay in your family unless you really want to. There are things to take into consideration, such as whether someone is toxic or caring, and whether you want to cut them off or not. At the end of the day, maintaining or breaking off relationships is a very personal decision, and nobody can decide what's best except you.
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