There are times when family members create problems that break your heart. Learn techniques and healthy coping attitudes so you don’t completely lose your mind while you are healing from family problems.
If you find yourself saying this at every family gathering, “Things always go wrong whenever I visit. This is why I hate my parents!”, you can probably benefit from some psychic protection and words of wisdom about family struggles. If you are someone who has a parent who ditched the family or have family members who take favorites and you are not the favorite, there is comfort for you despite it all. Clashing personalities that cause fights or having your significant other rejected by family can be downright heartbreaking and being used by a family member can be just as hurtful. Beyond these awful things, what if nothing is wrong but family has moved away? There are things that psychic people can do to protect themselves emotionally when there are family struggles, and proper protection techniques can be your best friends during these times. Read on to learn more.
Absent Parents
You would think your parents would always be available and wonder why men withdraw or women leave their family. Absent parents can leave you with a powerful fear of being abandoned, and that can make it difficult for you to trust people enough to form close relationships later in life. Just know a hard truth- women and men withdrawing from their children’s lives is because of one reason, and one reason only- these people have, for some reason, decided not to be responsible parents. If a parent has abandoned you, don’t ever, for one second, believe that you did anything to deserve that. The failure was completely on their part, nothing you did caused it, and there was nothing you could do to prevent it.
This can be especially hurtful when a mother or father divorces and leaves you and your remaining parent to start a new family with kids who they dote on, but they ignore you. “Does he think of me?” you might wonder, and you might hope a father or mother who left you misses you, but the truth is, they are adults who chose to abandon children, and they have the ability to find their kids and establish a relationship with them, yet they don’t. Sometimes, they change and have a guilty conscience about it and try to make up for lost years. What does a guilty conscience mean and what does a guilty conscience do to change years of no contact? It changes nothing, and while it is true that some people truly are sorry, an absent parent can never get the years back that they were away from watching their children grow. So their guilty conscience can mean nothing.
Do you know what to do when a man or woman withdraws their child’s life, and you just happen to be that child? A lot of people try to reach out to their absent parents and ask them to return and cultivate a meaningful relationship. It is worth a try, but if your absent parent does not respond by rejoining your life, don’t exhaust yourself or beg, because nothing will convince them of the value of being in a meaningful relationship with their amazing children. Your best course of action is to focus on the love that you do have from the family who have not abandoned you. A psychic protective technique you can use to heal your hurt feelings over being abandoned by a parent is to consciously adjust expectations, knowing they will probably never return to your life, and if they do, it won’t be the nurturing relationship you deserved growing up even if they say they regret being gone.
Family Favorites
“Dad is always doting on my sister, but not me. Does he love her more than me?” While maybe it is fair to say we all have our favorites, it still hurts when family members make a big difference in how they treat their favorite family members better than their non-favorites. A mama’s boy might get all the attention, but even mommy’s boys don’t always have it easy. Being the favorite can also be uncomfortable when a family acts like they love you too much and you don’t like the attention. Feeling smothered by a family member who is neglecting other family members while they overfocus on you is in no way a good thing, especially when you love the family members who feel neglected.
If you find yourself being suffocated by somebody who wants to go out of their way to show how they favor you, stop them in their tracks and tell them their attention is unwelcome and unacceptable. Then when they try to do things like make a show out of giving you expensive gifts but cheap gifts to other family members, you can always refuse to accept the gifts, but there is something else you can do to discourage this behavior also. You can take the expensive gift and give it to the family member they neglected and make it clear that you did so. If you have a family member who wants to spend more time with you than you would like, but they refuse to spend time with another family member who misses them, tell them to spend that time with the other family member instead. Doing things like this will make your favoring family member aware that you refuse to participate in their favoritism while also communicating to them that you want them to stop neglecting other family members.
If you are the one who is not the favorite of a family member, and this hurts you, there is nothing you can do to change this. You can certainly sit down and express to your family members how their favoritism hurts you, but chances are, they are going to continue this behavior no matter what you say. If nothing you do to point out how they hurt you helps, you are going to have to just disengage, and let them behave the way they are going to behave. It’s not fair to favor people and neglect others, and people who would do such a thing are the ones with the problem, not the people who they do not favor. If you really want to feel better about such a situation, remind yourself that to be favored by such a person is in no way a good thing, and take it as a lesson in how not to treat other people. Sometimes the most magical thing that comes out of a hurtful situation is that we learn how not to act, and that we learn how to treat other people better than we have been treated.
Clashing Personalities
How many family gatherings have you dreaded attending because you know this one family member who you cannot stand is going to be there? What makes it worse is when multiple family members feel that way about somebody who will be at the gatherings, and everybody gets together and is miserable the whole time because they have to see somebody they could do without. The result of this can be certain family members either argue or make a show of completely avoiding one another the whole time, and this can be very stressful for everybody there.
If you are the one who does not get along with another family member, keep your contact with the respectful, and refuse to be drawn in if they try to pick a fight. It’s not fair to have to “be the big person” when a family member gets to indulge in being mean, but it really does take two to fight, and it is not worth it to contribute to negative exchanges when everybody is supposed to be enjoying a family gathering. If you are one of the people witnessing the problems, and it upsets you, the best thing you can do is either leave the room when a fight erupts, or practice psychic shielding. A simple shielding technique is to visualize the protection of a guardian spirit enveloping you in it's love and protection and asking that protective spirit to keep all negative energy away from your spiritual and psychic body. Then cleanse after you leave the gathering if need be.
Rejected Significant Others
It can seem to take forever to find a lover to spend your life with you and once you have, all you want to do is share your life with them, and that includes taking them to meet your beloved family. Once you find a loving woman or man, and you take them to your family and say “I love him/her” it can feel like the worst thing on earth if your family rejects the man or woman who you love. If things don’t work out, you can always say that your family was right about them, but if it is a long-term relationship, and he never leaves you asking, “Is he committed to me?”, their rejection of him can cause serious issues between you and your family.
Some people decide to just step away from family who does not accept their significant other, and others hope that time will show their family that they were wrong, and they eventually accept the significant other. However, not everybody wants to leave their family, and other times, the family never accepts the significant other. What do you do when your family never accepts your significant other? Hear them out to see exactly what they have an issue with, and if you decide it is unfair, you are going to have to tell them. Then, you are going to have to call them out if they mistreat your significant other, and tell them the treatment is unacceptable. If your family truly loves you, they will adjust their behavior and treat your partner with respect.
Being Used
Feeling pity for someone is understandable, and we will all go through difficulties at some point in our lives. Thank goodness for family members who reach out and help us when we need them. Where would any of us be in life without the help of people who we love? An issue can arise when we are feeling pity for a family member who doesn’t deserve it. What happens in a situation like this is we are used and not appreciated by somebody who does not need help after all. This is called enabling. Enabling means we help somebody maintain toxic behaviors they could not if we did not allow them to. Plenty of people feel guilt if they don’t do everything that each family member asks of them, but saying yes to every request is not a good thing.
The Hazleden Betty Ford Foundation states there is a difference between enabling and support, however, so there is no reason to withhold genuine help from family members who need it. They write that the most common enabling behaviors include shielding loved ones from consequences and not enforcing boundaries. Other signs of this enabling are giving money that people did not earn and they do not deserve, blaming other people for a loved one’s behavior, and taking care of them when they don’t need it.
Here are some things to ask yourself to see if you are enabling a family member. If you answer yes to even one of these questions, you might be enabling a family member who is using you:
1) Am I doing something for them that they are able to do for themselves, but refuse to?
2) Are they asking me to do things for them that are bad for them?
3) Am I going without something I need to give them something they do not need from me?
4) Am I treating a capable adult as a child because they do not want to be responsible?
5) Am I ignoring problems they cause to keep them from starting fights or becoming angry?
6) Do I make excuses for them or lie to cover up what they are doing?
7) Do I think I can “fix them”?
8) Is doing this for them endangering me?
9) Is the role I am playing in this keeping them from improving their life?
10) Has my fear of them given them control over me, forcing me to do things I normally would not?
So, how can you avoid being used by a family member? A very powerful magic word can help you avoid this when nothing else can. Tell them “No” people they make demands. If somebody is asking for money and you either cannot afford to give it, or they need to take care of their own finances, tell them you will not give them money. If you have a family member who seems to always end up evicted, or kicked out of their roommates’ house because they have violence issues, tell them they cannot move in with you. If you have a relative who wants you to dog sit for them for free all the time, and you don’t want to do it, tell them they will have to find somebody else because you won’t do it anymore. Saying no, and standing by what you said is a way to make sure family members cannot take advantage of you.
Empty Nests
“My son moved away, and I hardly ever get to see him anymore. Does he know I love him still?” Of course he does! When you are used to having family nearby, and they move away, it can leave you feeling alone and emotionally empty. While that hurts more than words can express, it is a normal part of life, even though we wish it wasn’t. Does true love come back to us if we allow the people who were once with us all the time to go away? Yes! Most especially when children grow and move out to begin their adult lives, standing on their own two feet, they will come back to see you as often as possible. It won’t be the same as when they were kids, living with you, and spending their days with you, but there is something you can do to fill the vacancy they created by moving.
Make a list of everything you always wanted to do but couldn’t when your days were filled by spending time with your family member who has moved, and go do those things. Some parents whose kids have moved find themselves with more income than they had when they were supporting those children, and they decide to travel, or pursue dreams they did not have as much time and money for. Some people get another degree and change careers and others pursue hobbies they now have more time for. Life is not over because a family member has moved away. It just means you have another family member to plan trips to go visit!
The truth is, we cannot always control what goes on in our own families, and when family hurts you, it can make you want to just leave and never return. For some people, that’s not an option, though, but there are things you can do to protect your heart and mind, so the damage that could happen by family hurt is minimal. Sometimes, it is about having true faith in your own strength, and other times it’s all about love that you give to people who don’t seem to give any back. Our family is our family, for better or for worse, and if you don’t want to step away from them, you can use shielding, and make decisions to protect yourself from being hurt. Get a reading started with a supportive psychic while you are navigating family problems.
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