Irreconcilable differences have orchestrated many breakups, but they don’t have to. Learn what an irreconcilable difference is, common ones, and whether there is hope or if these differences will break you apart.
Irreconcilable differences are the things nightmares are made of. Those are the things that happen in relationships that lead to heartbreak, and ultimately can orchestrate massive breakups. But do they have to? Join Mysticsense to learn all about those ugly things called irreconcilable differences. Find out what they are, and some common ones that can be total deal breakers in relationships. Then, explore perhaps the most difficult question- is there any hope? Finally, what happens when you have to accept that an irreconcilable difference is the end of your relationship? Read on to find out how to pick up the pieces of your heart and life and move on.
What are Irreconcilable Differences?
There are two different definitions for irreconcilable differences. The first is just an inability to agree on important things. This can be a disagreement on finances which is a fairly common reason why people have disputes in their relationships. It can be a disagreement about how to raise your children together. It can also be a disagreement about whether or not to even have children. Irreconcilable differences can happen in any type of relationship including family relationships, romantic relationships, or in relationships with your friends.
The second definition is a legal one. It's defined as when people who are married can't work together to solve problems or make their marriage work. This is often used as a grounds for a no-fault divorce or a marriage dissolution. This just means that neither spouse says that the other is guilty of any wrongdoing, and they just don't want to be married anymore. It means that the marriage is irreparable and neither spouse objects to the separation. This can come after years of trying to work things out, and both spouses agree it's time to call it quits.
Common Deal Breakers
Another word for irreconcilable difference is deal breaker. Constant fighting about something can indicate a deal breaker. Sometimes people are just naturally incompatible and no amount of trying is going to change that. Some of the top deal breakers in relationships include financial issues, and issues with sex. Lifestyle differences and lack of emotional intimacy can be deal breakers. If your life goals aren't the same, it's going to be very difficult to stay together. Perhaps the top deal breaker in a relationship though, is abuse.
Spending Disputes
Arguments over money are a common reason people fight and even break up. Fights over money are not uncommon. The New York Post shared shocking numbers about couples and their fights over money. Millennials reported about six fights about money each month and about ¼ of people said they think their partner is less responsible with spending than they are. A lot of financial disagreements center around what to spend money on, how much money to spend, and people sometimes resent their partner for holding them back from spending money on what is important to them. Read more here: New survey reveals the shocking number of times couples fight about finances each year
Sexual Issues
Sexual incompatibility, not enough time for satisfying sex, or infidelity can cause rifts in relationships that can lead to breakups. How important is sex to a relationship? If you have been with your partner for many years and are elderly, and sex is not happening as often as it used to, this might be less of a problem than if the same thing happens when you are a new couple or are still younger. Sex isn’t the only thing couples share, but it’s one of the most important things. Life changes, and health issues, chronic pain, or even fights over other things can suck the sexual intimacy right out of a relationship. This can lead to a breakup.
Lifestyle Differences
If you want to travel a lot, but your significant other wants you to stay home with them, it’s going to cause issues in your relationship. Some people are very active, and some people are very sedentary. Somehow people with opposite lifestyles fall in love with one another, when they can't reconcile a lifestyle together, it might break them apart. When you're considering sharing your lives together, it's always important to see if you're on the same page with what you value the most and what you want out of life. If you spend all your weekends out with friends, and your significant other is not invited, it might be a deal breaker. Don't be surprised when you go home one day after another trip with friends and your partner is gone. Whatever you’re passionate about, your significant other can join you in to build a life together. Explore your passions here: What Are Your Passions? Doing the Things You Love
Lack of Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is different from sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy is physical, and emotional intimacy is an emotional bond. If your significant other is not sympathetic to how sensitive your feelings are, and they're always hurting you, then you're not going to feel emotionally close to them. If they don't act like they're on your side, and they're constantly competing with you, you won't feel emotionally close with them either. If your significant other tells you a deep dark secret, and you betray them by telling everybody about it, they're not going to feel close to you. Emotional intimacy entails trust and love and sensitivity for one another's feelings, and if this is lacking, it can cause a breakup.
Different Life Goals
If you want to have children but your significant other doesn't, that could be a deal breaker. If you want to settle down and have a nice house but your significant other wants to never own property, that can be a deal breaker. Where do you see yourself ten years from now? If your significant other doesn't want to do the things that you want to do in the future, you may not be able to stay together. We all have dreams that we want to pursue and things that we look forward to, and sharing life with someone means pursuing those goals with them. If you and your significant other can't do that together, chances are very likely that you will not be able to stay together. What is the meaning of life for you? Find out here; What is the Meaning of Life
Abuse
Abuse is being mistreated. Some experts say that it is virtually impossible to have a true relationship with an abuser. The victim just sticks around and the victimizer just harms them. You can't build emotional intimacy or have a healthy sex life with someone who abuses you. You can't set healthy goals and move forward into a good future together. You may have no control over your money because your abuser confiscates it, and you might not be allowed to make decisions about what kind of things you want to do in life. If you are being abused, don't let anybody tell you that it’s acceptable treatment. Don't let anyone tell you that you owe it to a friend, spouse, or family member to stay in an abusive relationship. Abuse is a deal breaker.
Is There Hope?
Will irreconcilable differences break you apart? They might, because irreconcilable basically means incompatible. However if you really work together, there's a chance that you might be able to save your relationship. Read on to find out signs that there is hope from your relationship and then find out what signs are that there's no hope.
Signs There’s Hope
Even if you have serious problems, if certain signs are present, there is hope that your relationship will survive. If you're both committed to the relationship that will give you hope. If you both put each other first instead of being selfish, there's a good chance you'll work things out. Then of course if you both really and truly love one another, there's a strong chance that differences won't tear you apart.
You Are Both Committed
If you are both committed to the relationship and one another, there's a pretty good chance you'll be able to work things out. However, both of you have to work on things. About half of marriages end in divorce, but about half of them don't. If you are both committed to doing whatever it takes to make sure that things work out, you will almost definitely be able to stay together. Are you committed to your relationship? Find out here: How to Know When You’re Ready to Commit
You Put Each Other First
If both of you put one another first, neither one of you will be selfish. There's very few things you won't be able to work through if you both do this. If you're arguing about money with one of you wanting to put money in savings and the other wanting to go on an expensive vacation, and you're both able to put your own desires aside, you will definitely be able to come up with a solution.
You Love Each Other
If there is love present in your relationship, working things out will be more important than winning a fight. You will both be on the same team and that team’s focus will be working for the same things. If you are truly in love with one another, whenever problems arise, as they do in all relationships, you have work to overcome any frustrations that you have. The old saying ”love will keep us together” if you both feel love. Do you believe in love at first sight? Read all about it here: Is Love at First Sight Real?
Signs There’s No Hope
Sometimes a fight or major difference tears you apart that wouldn't tear other people apart. If one person isn't trying to work things out, that's a pretty good sign there's no hope for your relationship. If there is abuse present, you're probably not even an a relationship at all, you're just stuck with an abuser. When one or both of you isn't in love, there's very little hope that you will work through deal breakers.
One Person Isn’t Trying
If you're having a dispute about money, and it's because your significant other is overspending, first you'll try to reason with them. However, if they won't stop and their financial irresponsibility is straining your finances, the relationship might be over. If your significant other likes to self isolate and refuses to spend more time with you, it can make you feel abandoned. There's a pretty good chance this is a deal breaker that will break you apart. If you've both pledged to make time for more sexual intimacy, and you catch your partner cheating instead of making love to you, they're not trying and you might decide to leave.
There is Abuse
Abuse is serious mistreatment of someone else, and when you are being abused, it's really not a healthy relationship. Some abusers swear they'll stop, but very few of them do. When you become aware that you're abused and you want the abuse to stop, chances are you'll decide it is a deal breaker and you want to leave. Do you believe that you're an abuse victim? Find out here: Are You Abused? | The Signs You May Be
There’s No Love
Some people get together because they have fun, but when deal breaking problems arise, their relationship may split apart because they did not have a foundation of love to begin with. If the good times are gone, and there's nothing but bad times, absence of love will quite often make you believe it's not worth it to stay.
What if You Breakup?
If these differences that you have with the person you love break you up, there's only two things to do. First, you're going to have to allow yourself the time to grieve. The longer you were in a relationship together the worse it's going to hurt when you break up. You're going to have to allow yourself the time to process the fact that things are over and it's going to be a lot of work to move forward with a life without them. If you lived together, one of you is going to have to move. If you have kids together, you're going to have to co-parent. If you are married, you're going to have to deal with the divorce.
You might feel like there's no possibility that you will ever trust enough to be in a committed relationship like you were in before irreconcilable differences broke you apart. Chances are though, you will. It might take time, but even if it seems strange meeting new people there is love out there for you. There is life after a broken relationship. There is hope for love and trust with other people, and there are good relationships that will work out. They are just waiting for you. No matter how badly a broken relationship hurts, you can and will love again. So, after you heal, have faith, and open yourself to new love. Learn tips to mend a broken heart here: Ten Tips to Mend a Broken Heart
Irreconcilable differences are things that signal a relationship is probably going to end. When there is no way to build a life together or work through differences, it tears relationships apart. Issues in the bedroom or financial disagreements can break any couple apart- but sometimes they don’t. If both people are committed to working through issues together, there is hope. If there isn’t, your love life isn’t over. You have a bright future filled with beautiful relationships with wonderful people even if an irreconcilable difference alerted you to the fact the person you were with was not one of them.
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