We often tell ourselves that to heal, the people who hurt us have to apologize and make it up to us. What if they are not sorry? Find out why you don’t need closure from the people who hurt you and to move on, and how to get your own closure.
The person who hurts you is almost always someone who you love and consider one of the most important people in your life. Guess what? One of them just hurt you. You are trying to move past what happened, and get closure, but you’re having a tough time because they are not sorry. Can you ever get closure without them fessing up to what they did? You absolutely can. Join Mysticsense to find out how. Discover what closure is and why people do things and are not sorry. Find out how to get closure with their help, but most importantly, how to get your own closure. Then, read a little more, because a surprising realization awaits. You might be hurt, but you can move past it- even without the help of the person who hurt you.
What is Closure?
“ Closure is way that we hold on when we don’t want to let go.”- Biance Sparacino
Closure is that wonderfully comforting feeling you get when things come to a close. Things complete themselves and end. It helps you to move forward and process your feelings. You feel like there is a satisfying resolution to everything and there are no loose ends left to tie up. In a perfect world, we would all get closure in every situation. We would understand why things happened the way they did and everyone would always learn from their mistakes. We would never walk away feeling that questions were unanswered or that things were incomplete.
Emotionally, everyone would feel satisfied. Even the worst of falling outs would result in everybody learning something, understanding everything, and feeling heard. Closure means that a chapter has come to an end, and there is nothing left to say, do, or heal from. It's a wonderful feeling, because you get to move on satisfied that everything is all right. You can even get closure if you are the one who's sorry. Find out how to apologize the right way here: How to Say You’re Sorry
Why People Aren’t Sorry
“ Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them.”- Bruce Lee
Not everybody is sorry when they should be though. How on earth can that happen? Sometimes it is glaringly obvious that someone is in the wrong, and everybody can tell that they know. How can somebody do something so terrible and refuse to acknowledge it, especially when they can tell that everybody knows how awful it was?
There are a lot of different reasons why some people aren't sorry. Sometimes they feel like you deserve to be hurt. Sometimes they act like you're overreacting and what they did really wasn't that bad. Sometimes worse things happen to them and they feel like anything else isn't worth bothering with. Whatever excuse they have, they're not sorry because they don't care about how they made you feel. How can they be that way? Some people just are, and they will never change. When someone shows they don't care about you, make extra sure to take care of yourself, and you can use magic to do that. Find out some magical self-care techniques here: Magical Care for Self in Stressful Times
Getting Closure with Them
“ Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”- Erik H. Erikson
In a best case scenario, When bad things happen, you can get closure with the help of the person who hurts you. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. Sometimes they really are sorry and they do care about the way you feel. How can you get that closure with them? First, you can talk it out and accept their apology. Second, you can let them make it up to you by apologizing. Third, you can move forward together, pledging to be more conscious and considerate in the future.
Talk it Out
For any relationship, communication is key. Even in the best of relationships, people make mistakes. They say and do things they should have known better than to do, but it happens anyway. The first step to getting closure and moving past a situation together is to have a talk. Tell your loved one how what happened made you feel. Tell them what you would have preferred to happen instead. Tell them that you love them and what you need to see in the future. Be honest about your feelings. Then give them a chance to respond. The people who truly love you care more about you than pretending to be right all the time. Give them a chance to accept that they were wrong by talking to them about it. One Zodiac Sign that values communication is Taurus, and you can read about them here: The Dark Side of Taurases and How to Deal with It
Accept Their Apology
To get closure, you have to accept an apology. It can be difficult. A good apology is when somebody says they are sorry for what they did, they accept responsibility for their actions, and they will do what it takes to make it up to you. Some people just aren't good at apologies, but they show they are sorry. Some people won't apologize and then screw up again. For the sake of discussion, let's say your loved one is really sorry and they are demonstrating that they're not going to make the same mistake again. Accept their apology, and give them the opportunity to prove that they mean it.
Move Forward Together
Next comes the best part. The two of you move forward from what happened into your future together. The most difficult thing to accept is that at some point in the future, you might make a mistake and need to apologize also. When the time comes, they will return the favor, giving you the benefit of the doubt because they love and trust you, and express how what happened made them feel. One of the best parts about relationships is that imperfect people come together, as broken as we are, and we help heal one another's hearts, experience life together, and make difficulties bearable. What could be better than that kind of love? Find out how we fall in love here: How Does Falling in Love Happen?
How to Get Your Own Closure
“Closure is something you give yourself.” – Jay Shetty
Sometimes, the person who hurts you refuses to give you closure. They might not admit what they did, They might be angry that you're upset with them, or they might just not care. Either way, you're going to have to get your own closure, and believe it or not, you can get it on your own. If you want to, tell them how it made you feel, and then set your personal boundaries. Step away from them after that to give them time to respond, and then make a decision. How close do you want to stay to this person after what's happened?
Have Your Say
A lot of people agree that it is very important to confront the person who hurt them. If you have decided that you don't want to do that, that's alright. If you do want to confront them with what happened, think before you speak about exactly what you're going to say. Just be prepared that they may not be receptive to listening to you. They might be quiet and allow you to speak, but they won't emotionally pay attention or accept what you have to say. If talking about it, and telling them how they made you feel makes you feel better, by all means do it. Just know that it might not do any good other than that.
Set Boundaries
When you have identified the fact that what happened was a problem, you're going to identify what is preferable. If someone lied to you, tell them they're not allowed to lie again. If someone spoke disrespectfully to you, tell them not to talk to you like that again. If someone did not keep one of their promises, tell them they have to start keeping their promises. We are supposed to hold ourselves accountable, but unfortunately, not everyone does that. You may have to hold someone accountable. You have a right to tell people what is unacceptable, and then what is acceptable. Set your boundaries and stick by them. Learn how to define boundaries here: Setting Boundaries in Your Life and Relationships
Listen
After you have had your say, listen and pay attention to what the response is. Give them an opportunity to make it clear how they are going to respond. Some people refuse to accept responsibility, but has their behavior changed? Did they take notice of what you told them and immediately adjust their behavior? Did they take an attitude and buckle down, acting out again? People show their true colors every opportunity they get. When someone's reaction to you expressing how unacceptable it was that they hurt you is also hurtful, don't be shocked. Believe people when they demonstrate that they are hurtful individuals. Just give them the opportunity to show you whether they are or not.
Make a Decision
Now it's time to make a decision. Based on their behavior, what do you want to do? Do you want to let it go, and move on as if nothing happened, or will this situation change your relationship with them? Since you are the person who was hurt, it is your right to make your own decision regardless of what other people say. You don't have to decide immediately, of course. How bad was the hurt and the fact that they're not taking responsibility for what they did? Is it small enough that you can ignore it, or is it a deal breaker? Not every relationship we have is supposed to last for our whole lives. Hurtful things can destroy trust, and without trust, you may decide that the relationship is not worth keeping. The only way to move in life is forward and sometimes that is without a relationship. Find out more about times like that here: Move Forward or Get Back Together With Someone?
Do You Need Their Help?
“You deserve love, and the love of people who care about you.”- Lady Saoirse
Some people believe that it will be absolutely impossible to move on without acknowledgement from the person who hurt them. Some people feel that it is impossible to have any relationship or any happiness at all in life without the person who hurt them making it up to them. Truthfully, you hold yourself back with this mindset. We really are intimately involved with one another's lives. What we do affects one another every day. There are going to be people who do not deserve to be that close to you.
If you tell yourself that other people have to do exactly what you want them to do before you move forward from a hurtful situation, you can keep yourself and that emotional state forever. Don't expect the person who hurt you to be devastated. They may have completely forgotten what happened because that's the way they are. You might want their closure, but don't convince yourself that you need it, especially if you're not going to get it. It can make you wonder why to even bother with relationships. Find out if relationships matter here: What’s the Point of a Relationship? Do They Matter?
A Last Word
“Sometimes the only way to get closure is by accepting that you’ll never get it.”- John Mark Green
The whole reason we think we need closure from people is that they matter to us. If we did not care about someone, what they said and did would not affect us so strongly. When you are hurt by someone who matters to you, you need to believe you matter to them too. If you matter to them, your feelings would matter, right? The ugly truth is, sometimes, the people you care about don’t care about you. That is why it is easy for them to hurt you and it’s easy for them to disregard your feelings. They are not going to actively participate in your emotional healing. Sometimes, realizing that the person you love doesn’t love you enough to care about your feelings hurts worse than what they did.
So, now you have to accept that they are not sorry, and that they do not care about you. So you are going to have to get closure from two different things. You don't deserve to have to deal with that, but it happened and you're going to have to. If someone who you love doesn't love you enough to help you to get closure from something that they did, you have to love yourself more than they do. If you're a giver, you might feel guilty at first and think you're being selfish. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. After all, the person who you loved won't take care of your feelings, so you have to. So do what it takes to get closure, with or without the person who hurts you to begin with. You are worth it.
Closure is that feeling of relief we get after a situation is resolved to our satisfaction. Sometimes the people who hurt us will not participate in that, and we have to get closure ourselves. Express how you felt, set a boundary, and then wait to see how they react. After their reaction, decide whether they're worth keeping in your life. Don't ever tell yourself that you need other people to give you closure. You can get it on your own.
Would you like some insight about a hurtful situation and how to move past it? Get a reading with one of our psychics started to find out today.
