How Do I Learn to Trust Again After a Controlling Relationship?

TL;DR

Dealing with controlling people can leave you emotionally broken, and ready to throw the towel in on all relationships in general. How to handle a controlling person may seem effortless to some people, but not so easy for you. How do you learn to trust again after being manipulated and how do you resolve trust issues? It’s simpler than you think and is just a matter of understanding what trust really is, and understanding how you can put trust to work for you.

What is Trust?

In 1971, celebrity writer and mystic Sybil Leek wrote, “ Where there is love, there should be trust; if trust is absent then there can never be love that is meaningful. Perhaps we place too high a value on love, and seek to make it a thing unrelated to the rest of life, when actually it is only a facet of the whole…For instance, if a friend has let you down several times, there is no sense in blindly trusting him.” Yet many of us do just that- blindly trust people completely just because we love them, like them, or simply WANT to completely trust them, and when our trust is betrayed, we decide we must never trust again.

To make the mistake of expecting those we share life with never betray our trust without knowing whether they will if given the chance or not is understandable but it is also setting ourselves up for disappointment. In new relationships, most especially, it is very important to give people opportunities to gradually demonstrate what they can be trusted with, rather than just assume from the beginning they can be trusted with everything. When somebody betrays our trust, it’s not our fault of course, but it can sometimes be avoided if we watch people as we are getting to know them. You wouldn’t leave your social security information and bank account information out in public for strangers to see, so don’t leave it alone with somebody you have only known for a matter of a few months, for example.

Trust is defined as strong belief in the reliability of somebody or something. This is something that must be based on evidence. Everybody can be trusted with something to some extent. For example, you trust that your neighbor who is in and out of jail for burglaries and drugs will probably go right back to jail for drugs and burglary again and you know not to let them in your home. On the other hand, you have learned over the course of 10 years that your best friend can be trusted to always tell you the truth.

We also know that we cannot control what other people do. So wanting to be able to trust that neighbor to housesit for you, and casting a spell to control someone for it is unwise, and you are better off with a security system and letting your best friend housesit instead. When we try to manipulate what other people do, or other people try to control us, it breaks trust in relationships. Our relationships need to be based on free will and if somebody is trying to force us to do certain things, it’s okay to let that relationship go.

How to Deal with Controlling People

There is no one trick that helps handle all manipulative people. How to handle a controlling friend is going to be a lot easier than handling say, a manipulative boss! A true friend who has a bad habit can sometimes be reasoned with by saying, “ Friend, I do not feel respected when you try to dictate what clothes I wear when we go out together. I want you to stop that right now.” If they value the friendship, they will stop. However, a supervisor who repeatedly denies vacation requests, demands mandatory overtime, and expects you to do their job for them as well is going to be harder to deal with. If their superiors don’t stop them, you may need to find another job to maintain your sanity.

A controlling and manipulative boyfriend or girlfriend is never going to change. The easiest way to deal with them is to break up with them. It might be hard at first, but how long can you stand to date somebody who wants to dictate your clothes, hairdo, how much time you spend with family and friends, what your hobbies are, how you spend your money, and other things you ought to be able to decide for yourself? How to control jealousy in a significant other? You may be better off cutting things off. Jealousy is not a healthy personality trait and having to walk on eggshells so as not to upset the girlfriend or boyfriend can result in a toxic relationship which you don’t want.

Who is the Most Controlling?

Some would say based on their star sign, you can tell just how controlling somebody is going to be, but it’s not always that simple. While some say Virgo is a control freak about how they do their job, they won’t necessarily try and micromanage their loved ones in quite the same ways. Is a Virgo man controlling in relationships? Some are, some aren’t. Each sign has natural tendencies to how they control themselves and the world around them, but being a true manipulator is a psychological and behavioral problem and that’s not something our star sign is responsible for.

Aries

How to control an Aries man? Don’t try it because they will have zero respect or tolerance for that. Are Aries controlling? Not necessarily. Aries controlling tendencies usually only happen in regards to things that affect them personally, and they usually don’t care about controlling other people. Don’t try to dictate to them, and they won’t feel a need to assume control over the situation.

Taurus

Stubborn Taurus can absolutely be controlling, autocratic, and try to act dominant. They have looked into things, and feel they have the very best ways to do things. In regards to trusting other people both women and Taurus men trust issues stem from their need to decide over a long period of time whether they trust somebody they are getting to know or not. Once they trust you, they absolutely trust you, though.

Gemini

Gemini trust issues tend to be non-existent and they know who they can trust and focus on spending time with those people. Since they are not an especially suspicious sign, one would ask can you also trust a Gemini man or woman? Flirtatious, and good with people, Geminis can arouse the suspicion of mates- but they are just charmers, not necessarily hard-core cheaters. Has a Gemini ever cheated? Sure, but it’s not an innate Gemini trait. They can be secretive, but do not conspire to double cross their loved ones.

Cancer

How can a Cancer control their emotions? They have to pay attention to themselves and watch their behaviors when they are emotional. Cancer men controlling their outward expressions do just as well as Cancer women, and typically empathic Cancerians are just as likely to cry a river over a loved one’s tragedy as they are their own. They are often so busy controlling their own emotions and spend as much time deciding whether they trust people, one would think a Cancer would not have time to be manipulative, although some of them manage. Nobody’s perfect, you know, but you can trust your Cancer to be the first one at your front door with chicken soup and a ride to the doctor if you have a sore throat.

Leo

Leos don’t mean to be controlling, but being natural born leaders means they sometimes have to take over. They can be bossy and have a “My way or the highway” approach and are genuinely surprised when people opt for the highway! If you take the highway, Leo will count it as your loss and move along, regally surveying their kingdom that clearly you didn’t really belong in to begin with.

Virgo

Yes, sometimes, your Virgo is a control freak, but please try and understand they have worked everything out, planning it all with plan b, c, and d just in case. They have backup emergency escape plans, and they just want everything to be the best it can be. In the event their way isn’t best, they may not admit it, but if they love and respect you, they can be persuaded to ease their grip from things. After all, they just want what is best. Critical Virgos can have trust issues, and it takes them a long time to trust somebody.

Libra

If you ask a Libra, they will tell you they are the least controlling people on the planet all while they give orders, making you think their plan was all your idea. Seeking harmony, however, they are actually more easily persuaded than Virgo to alter plans, and they consult those they trust for input. Librans can be overly trusting to the point of being gullible in some instances, but quickly learn from this mistake. You can trust your Libra to do what they feel is just and right, even if it means turning on you if they deem you a threat. You can also trust them to cut you out if they feel like you don’t belong, and you can especially trust them to try and be mediator and peacemaker when it’s called for.

Scorpio

Are Scorpios manipulative? Scorpio control freaks are no more numerous than control freaks in any other sign, but you can be sure that if your Scorpio is controlling, they are very good at it. It’s their focus and drive that make them successful in life and that drive and focus will also ensure they hold a grudge if they feel you wronged them. If a Scorpio sets their beady little eyes on controlling you, count it on being a royal fight. If they don’t care to do so, count yourself lucky.

Sagittarius

Saggitarians just want their freedom, and they do NOT like feeling controlled. Their goal is to control their own destinies, and if you can respect that, they may invite you along on their exciting adventures. If you try to control them, they will distrust you, and run as far from you as they can. They seldom keep their opinions, even unkind ones to themselves, and can come across as being mean, but rest assured they are just trying to be honest- no matter how brutal it may seem. You can thus trust them to be truthful, and that’s a good thing.

Capricorn

Disciplined, hard working Capricorn has very strong views of how things ought to be and will not hold back trying to tell everybody else they are falling short of their standards. They think they are helping people with self-improvement, and everybody wants them to stuff a sock in it and mind their own business. So yes, chances are women and Capricorn men controlling others is not in your imagination, and yes, they are prone to trust issues. This is due to their critical natures, but take heart when they trust you, they REALLY trust you. Besides, they wouldn’t try to get you to do things their way if they didn’t care about you.

Aquarius

Aquarius women and trust issues go hand in hand when they think somebody is dishonest, fake, or unkind. They do not appreciate if they feel somebody is disrespecting them by being phony, and will not trust these people. An enterprising sign with great projects always in the works, they can be controlling with teammates because they feel their way is best, but they are very loyal to loved ones and always want the people they care about beside them no matter what they are working on. Don’t try to boss an Aquarian around, or they will withdraw and you will lose all that wonderful energy.

Pisces

Are Pisces controlling? Pisces controlling tendencies limit themselves to seeking to control their own lives, and they will push back against anything they feel compromises their freedom. Don’t push them, and they likely won’t push back.

Do I Have Trust Issues?

Most especially if you have been hurt, having trust issues can come in handy during your healing. You may catch yourself being overly suspicious of people, and your imagination can lie to you, telling you that everybody is out to get you. “How do I know if I have trust issues?” you might ask yourself. A sure trust issues test is to ask yourself if you think everybody in all the world is untrustworthy. If you answer yes, then you have trust issues, and keeping in mind that other people are not guilty of what the person who hurt you did is the number one way to help yourself get over trust issues. Other signs of a woman with trust issues or a man with trust issues are they trust EVERYBODY indiscriminately, and that is just as bad as having no trust for anybody.

You may feel you need a trust test for relationships after being hurt, and a simple way to do this when you are meeting new people is gradually. It would be nice if we could trust everybody who we liked, but it’s not fair to us and it’s not fair to them to make those assumptions. People deserve the opportunity to gradually demonstrate to you they way they are, and what they can and cannot be trusted with. Maybe your new friend cannot be trusted to help pick out the right outfit for you for a weekend away with them, but they can be trusted with taking your cat to the Vet while you are at work. If you are broken hearted from romance and feel you can never trust enough to love again, don’t date again until that feeling is gone. People who you meet didn’t do what your ex did to you, and if you project your exes guilt onto other people, you will wreck new relationships unintentionally.

Be kind to yourself and the people you love, and allow yourself the opportunity to heal, and the peace of taking your time getting to know new people. Allow trust to build slowly and enjoy your new relationships without saddling them with the assumption these new people are a carbon copy of somebody who hurt you. Watch for red flags while getting to know people and watch yourself to ensure you don’t get too trusting too fast but also don’t allow yourself unfair suspicions.

How To Make a Voodoo Doll to Control Someone

There are plenty of online tutorials explaining how to use sympathetic magic to try and control what other people do, and in situations that people are hurting you- YES, make a poppet to try and make them stop! But using black magic to keep your husband in control? Don’t do it. Those skilled in magical practice would tell you it takes more energy to cast constant spells to manipulate people than it is to leave a relationship that’s not working out. If you think you need a love spell? Read abut what Mysticsense has to say about that here:

What is love spell? Are Love Spells Needed?

What if they cheat? Leave them. What if they don’t love you anymore? Somebody else will. While we have been exploring how to deal with controlling people, and you are learning how to trust again after being hurt, make sure you don’t become that controlling wife, or that jealous controlling boyfriend yourself. Sometimes how to deal with a controlling person the best way is to simply ensure you don’t become like them yourself.