TL;DRAfter a heartbreak, knowing how to cut cords with someone and release emotional attachments can be crucial for your healing and sanity. Join Mysticsense to explore ten ways to heal your broken heart, and if push comes to shove, don’t hesitate to reach out to a Mysticsense psychic guide for advice.
When your heart is broken after a friendship falling out or a romantic breakup, it can feel like it is the end of the world. In fact, it is the end of the world you shared with them, and it is a major loss. The grief you feel after the loss of an important relationship is just as painful as losing somebody to death, and unfortunately, not a lot of people know what kind of steps to take for self-care while they are emotionally healing.
Nobody else can tell you how to feel when you are dealing with the loss of an important relationship, but there are some things you can do to make it easier to accept the loss, and deal with the grief. These are things you can do on your own, and you don’t need any fancy products, self- help books, or expensive potions to heal. Would you like to know suggestions that might help? Read on.
What is Desire Fulfillment Theory?
An excellent topic to bring up in healing from a heartbreak is what is termed desire fulfillment theory. There are a lot of very complicated ways to explain this, but the simplest way to explain it is written by a Chris Heathwood in 2014, and he said “ The desire-fulfillment theory of well-being — also known as desire satisfactionism, preferentism, or simply the desire theory — holds, in its simplest form, that what is good in itself for people and other subjects of welfare is our getting what we want, or the fulfillment of our desires, and what makes things go worse for us is our wanting something to be the case when it is not or does not become the case.”
You can read his whole paper here: Desire-Fulfillment Theory (Nov 2014).pages (colorado.edu)
What this has to do with heartbreak is, the more we desire a relationship that isn’t working out, the worse we feel. It’s not possible to simply STOP loving somebody or missing the relationship, but it is possible to focus on moving forward, and over time the pain eases off, and the strong desire to make things go back to how they were lessons. If you truly love somebody, you will always love them, even if they are out of your life. However, as you move away from a broken relationship, and you gain perspective of why the relationship failed, you desire healthier relationships that work out as opposed to unhealthy ones that cause problems in your life.
There are more steps you can take than are listed in this article to heal and mend your broken heart, but some things we will discuss here include stepping away from commitment phobic relationship cycles the second you see them happening during developmental stages of relationships, learning how to cut cords with someone, training yourself to let them go, refusing to fight after it’s over, and changing negative energy into positive energy.
Ten Tips to Mend Your Broken Heart
1.Accept That it’s Over
Honestly answer one question before you begin moving on from a relationship. Is it over? If you say yes, then start taking more steps to move on. If there is any chance things are not over, stop reading this immediately, and go see if things can be worked out. The closest friends and lovers can have a fight or falling out, and work things out anyways. Don’t give up a relationship unless you need to. If it’s over, there is no way to change that. Sometimes accepting that things are over is literally the only thing you need to do in order to move forward, but everybody is different. What helps one person might not be enough for somebody else, so if accepting that the relationship is finished isn’t enough to help you mend your heart, keep reading.
2.Steer Clear of Detached Men and Woman if You Want Commitment
You read that properly. Instead of asking things like “Do men feel love?” and “Do men fall in love?” let alone “Do men fall in live easily?” if a man is not committing to you, accept that he is not going to commit. Detachment love- or saying you love somebody but not wanting to have a fully committed relationship is how some people operate in their relationships, and if you don’t, then you cannot be fulfilled in a relationship with somebody who remains detached from you. Also accept that commitment isn’t for everybody and even people who are open to commitment won’t commit to everybody they meet. “Do men have feelings?” of course they do, but not every man you meet will have feelings for you, and even if he does, he might not want the same kind of relationship you do.
Commitment phobic men pattern behavior is the same as women who are afraid to commit, and thankfully, usually such people are very honest about that. Not everybody who refuses to commit young never commits, however. Actor George Clooney famously insisted he would never marry- but that was before he met his love, Amal Alamuddin, who he is now married to. She is a brilliant barrister, and she apparently quite swept him off his feet. They married in 2014 and have two beautiful children together. They ended up living happily ever after, but any man or woman who says no to commitment when you tell them “I need a yes or no answer” is being truthful with you about whether they will commit to you or not.
One of the toxic person signs is that somebody expects you to commit to them, but they refuse to commit to you, and if this is happening, get away from them as soon as possible. Some people are predators who attach themselves to people in relationships so they can take and take and take, but they never give of themselves. Some of them would call themselves opportunists using lovers for money, a place to live rent and bill free, sex, or even just an ego boost.
In his book Vampires: The Occult Truth, author Konstantinos writes about people who are what he calls intentional psychic vampires. These are people who deliberately drain other people’s lifeforce for their own gain and can do so physically as well as on the spiritual plane. They drain the energy out of the room, can be very needy, getting other people to devote a lot of time and resources to them, and act oblivious to how selfish they are being. In chapter ten of the book, he discusses protection from such individuals, and one thing he says to do is “Banishing” of them and then “Breaking the Ties.” Banishment can be sending them away from you and breaking ties can be breaking emotional bonds, which we will address farther into the article.
To get Konstantinos’ book, see here:Paranormal Author Konstantinos
Having things in common and liking each other is very important in relationships, but wanting the same kind of relationship, and therefore the same lifestyle together is equally as important. When somebody tells you they do not want to commit, don’t press the issue. No means no and men and women have the right to refuse the type of relationship you want with them. If you cannot accept their lack of desire to commit, you are going to have to let go.
3.Train Yourself to Let Go
Letting go of somebody is easier said than done, however, and when you first accept that you have to do this, you may initially want to go back to spend time with them again, but you will have to stop yourself from doing so. Change doesn’t happen immediately and taking steps to let go is the only way to make that happen. When you want to go to the place you always went as a couple and sit in the seats you sat together to feel close to them, don’t do it. Put photos and keepsakes away- or get rid of them altogether when seeing those things makes you think of the person who you have lost. Don’t keep doing things you used to do for them “as friends” if doing so is emotionally too difficult and makes it impossible for you to move on.
4.Don’t Call, Text, or Visit
“Should I text him first after a fight?” Only if you think you can make up, and then there is no harm in ‘being the big person’ and initiating reconciliation. If the relationship is done, you probably need to completely cut off communication to initiate healing, however. The more you talk to them or see them, the more it will hurt that you aren’t together anymore. When things are really over, removing yourselves from each other’s lives completely may be the only way to mend your broken heart so you don’t falsely believe being around one another can make reconciliation happen.
However, as is often the case in divorce when the couple has children, coming to a place of peace to co parent is doable, and a lot of people show how they masterfully accept that they are divorced, but still support one another as parents. In the end, unless there has been abuse, children need both of their parents in their lives, and remembering that will make being friends possible. Your kids will thank you both for it.
5.You Don’t Need Them
“But I need him!” No, you don’t, and you have to accept that. You have become used to being in one another’s lives and you did things for each other, but there was a time before you knew each other, and whatever things you have been doing for each other are things you did for yourselves before you were together. Now that you are apart, you can learn to do for yourselves once again, and you will. Yes, you can.
6.No Fights, No Verbal Attacks
“ I hate my boyfriend for what he did to me and I want revenge.” As far as revenge goes, a famous saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold, but being happy without somebody who hurt you is the best revenge. Picking a fight to try and get back at an ex only lets them believe you still want them, and if they hurt you, they don’t deserve to be given that satisfaction.
“I Have questions for my ex and I have things to say!” There may be times when you get to air your grievances and have your say, but oftentimes, you don’t. You may never get closure after a heartbreak, and the ugly truth is, some people really don’t care if they break your heart. One minute, they can be telling you how very much they love you, and the next minute, they will say “I don’t love you” or else ‘I don’t love you anymore.” If they say that then they never actually loved you. Love is forever, even if we have to part ways. Remember that. Don’t give in to the desire to lash out. It serves to keep you emotionally connected to them instead of helping you move on.
7. Accept That it’s Okay to be Angry or Hurt
Even if you know the relationship was meant to dissolve and you are on amicable terms with your ex or ex friend, don’t be surprised if you are still hurt or angry that things did not work out. It is only natural to wish for somebody you love to be with you forever and to feel it is unfair things did not work out and ended. It is very important that you allow yourself to feel the way you feel and sorting through those feelings as opposed to trying to lie to yourself and say “It doesn’t bother me. I don’t care!” is how to heal. Denying your feelings will keep them bottled up longer, and they may increase and overtake you if you don’t accept them and deal with them.
Pain is horrible, but sometimes it happens naturally as a result of something awful, like a broken heart. It is normal and healthy to feel hurt or angry a relationship is over. It shows that you cared about the person and your relationship and not feeling it was a loss would just mean you did not love them. But of course you loved them! Cry, journal, and process your feelings as needed. Let the feelings out and as you allow yourself to experience them, you will move towards healing.
8.Learn How to Channel Energy to Heal Yourself
Learn how to change negative energy into positive energy if you haven’t already while you are mending a broken heart, and you will absolutely love your positive energy and how it helps with healing you. After you initially process the anger and pain, make sure not to dwell on every last thing your ex did to upset you. Complaining to friends over and over about what he or she did wrong will only serve to keep you constantly upset and it creates negative energy.
How to exude positive energy when you want to dwell on things is to think of ways your life is better since your ex is gone and all the things you are doing that you could not before. “I am free to be open to new loves and find somebody who I am more compatible with since we broke up” for example. Or, “My friendship with her helped me on my path and I am truly thankful for that experience. I wish her well.”
While it is true that we must process our feelings and accept what went wrong, we cannot focus only on the bad, never moving on from it, or we will be living in the past. Why live in the past when you have a brighter future ahead of you and you can enjoy the present as well?
9.Cutting Cords of Attachment Workings
We form bonds to other people emotionally, and it can seem like a fine silver strong ties our hearts together. When our relationship dissolves, for whatever reason, those feelings of connection may still linger long after we are no longer present in one another’s lives and breaking those bonds can help to emotionally heal and feel ready to move on. One way to cut emotional ties is to procure a candle or oil called “Forget Him” if it is a man or “Forget Her” if it is a woman who you are moving on from. Wearing that oil or burning that candle is an action that entails you telling yourself to forget about them and move on.
Of course, simply lighting a candle or wearing oil isn’t enough for some people, but they need to consciously emotionally disconnect. One way to accomplish this is to remember what went wrong and why the relationship is over, most especially if the person hurt you, and telling yourself they are not worth remaining connected to. This can create an attitude that you are not going to hold onto the connection, and it is enough to help some people break the emotional bond.
Some people need more help cutting emotional cords that bind our hearts together and we have an article full of suggestions you can read here:Cutting the Cords; How to Cut Someone Out of Your Life | Mysticsense
10.Live Your Best Life and Accept and Give Love
One very important thing you can do when healing a broken heart is to go out and LIVE. It may feel difficult or impossible at first to enjoy things without the person you love, but it will get easier, I promise. Your whole life may have been centered around them for a time, but they are not your life, believe it or not. You are here for a reason, and that is to do amazing things, have wonderful experiences, learn, and to give and receive love.
There is only one YOU, and the world is better off having you in it. Besides the future plans you had with whoever broke your heart, what kinds of amazing things do you want to see and experience and what kinds of beautiful gifts do you have to offer? Maybe you are a healer and you have been putting off nursing classes, well go sign up today! Maybe you have artistic talent but have not painted for years. Get started again! The kids you planned to have with your spouse who divorced you can still be yours with somebody else, you know.
There will always be a place for the people you love in your heart, even when they are gone from your life, but there are so many more people who need your gifts and love. You have good memories of them despite whatever bad things happened to end your relationship, and something else is true. One person who was fortunate enough to experience part of your life with you may be a major loss once they are gone, but you have so many more memories to make with other people and so much more to share. So, go out there and live your best life and love to the best of your ability!
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About the Author: Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life, but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and she writes for Pagan Pages emag.
We have selected the most relevant psychics for this article, you can connect with any of them and get accurate advice on this subject.