Independence is something we need to maintain, even when we have close relationships. Learn why codependence is bad and how to be independent, even within your closest relationships.
You’re in a great relationship. You may have waited a long time to find the ONE. When you finally find that perfect person to love, you may want to spend all your time with them. That’s a mistake. Being with one person constantly can create an unhealthy relationship dynamic we call codependence and that’s not good. Join Mysticsense to learn the value of independence in your relationships. Find out what it is and isn’t and the difference between independence and codependence. Find out why independence matters in relationships and then the most important thing of all- how to maintain your own independence even when you are in a happy relationship. We need each other, but we don’t need to be attached at the hip. Read on to find out how to have your relationship without becoming overly dependent.
The Definition of Independence
“My husband said he needed space, so, I locked him outside.”- Roseanne
Independence means that you are free from someone else's control or unfair influence, and you can make your own decisions. You can pursue your own goals without reliance on other people. This gives you the freedom to live your life as you see fit, and nobody can stop you from doing it. You are good at doing things for yourself and you can solve your own problems. You can make your own decisions without other people telling you what to do. No one rules over you or restricts you with any authority.
Independence in a relationship means that both of you maintain your own independence as individuals, even though you are together as a couple. Some couples don't operate this way. Especially if you're living together, there are a lot of decisions that you make on your own. Some decisions like what you eat, what job you have, what you do with your own money, and how you spend your own personal time are best made without someone else dictating to you. It’s easier to be independent if you believe in yourself. Find out how here: Believing in Yourself 101
What Independence Is
“ A healthy relationship is one where two independent people just make a deal that they will help make the other person the best version of themselves.”- Emily’s Quotes
There are some things that independence in a relationship is. It means maintaining healthy boundaries, other relationships, and being your own person. Having a long-term romantic relationship should not change these things.
Healthy Boundaries
Some people think there should not be any boundaries in relationships, however, you're going to need your own privacy to do personal hygiene sometimes. You will need time to yourself instead of your partner being wrapped around you 24/7. You will need your own hobbies and time with your own friends without their being there with you constantly. Some couples even have their own bedrooms or their own beds in the same bedroom so that they can rest well. Whatever gives you a sense of independence in your relationship is healthy.
Maintaining Other Relationships
You will still have your same best friend even though you're in a new relationship now. You will have relationships with your parents, siblings, cousins, and peers in your career field. Some women need girl time apart from their partners and some men need time with the guys. Even if you spend time with your loved ones in the presence of your significant other, you're not going to give those relationships up just because you're in a long-term romantic relationship. You might even maintain friendships with exes, but is that even possible? Find out here: Ex-Relationships: Signs of Attention-Seeking Ex.
Being Your Own Person
You will still be the same person you've always been, even though you have a committed romantic relationship now. You won't change your personality, beliefs, and hopefully you won't change the things that you've always enjoyed doing just because you're no longer single. You will still do things on your own like work without your partner being there with you and if you have hobbies, chances are your partner won't go there with you. You might spend less time doing things that you used to do on your own because you're going to spend that time with your partner now, but that doesn't change who you are.
What Independence Isn’t
“Balanced relationships are always based on freedom, not obligation.”- PICTUREQUOTES.COM
Maintaining independence although you have a long-term romance doesn’t mean other things. It doesn't mean that you're lonesome, don't need anybody, or you don't share anything.
Not Needing Anybody
Some people think that being independent means you never need anybody for anything. We all need each other. That's just part of being human. Independence means that you are your own person and you do some things on your own. That does not mean that you can or will do everything all on your own for the rest of your life. Sometimes, the only thing you currently need is guidance from someone else- but where can you find it? Read here to find out: Finding Your Guide When You’re Lost
Being Lonely
Independence means that you do some things alone. It doesn't mean that you feel isolated and lonesome. Loneliness is one of the emptiest and most painful feelings that you will ever endure. Maintaining your personal independence and reliance on yourself does not mean that you're isolated. Loneliness is a sad feeling when you don't have any companions at all. Loneliness is a terrifying feeling for a lot of people and you can be lonely, but not independent. Just because you're independent doesn't mean you're going to be lonely.
Never Sharing
Being independent doesn't mean that you don't share anything with anyone. It just means that you are self-reliant for certain things. You can independently pay your own bills but still share a life with someone. You can carpool to work, but that doesn't mean someone else will do your job for you. You can share housework with someone else, but you'll do your part on your own. There are some things that you share with other people when you're in a long-term relationship, but other things that you don't. Independence means you share a lot but don’t lose yourself in love. Find out more here: How to Stop Losing Yourself in a Relationship
What is Codependence?
“Don’t worry about my codependency issues. They will only bring us closer together.”- Quotesgram
Codependence means one person in a relationship overly relies on the other. One takes, the other gives. If you have no independence in the relationship, there is a big risk this could happen. This creates an imbalance and unhealthy methods of control. It's nice to have some time to yourself and it's nice to have some things to yourself. If you and your partner don't allow one another that, you're going to start resenting each other.
You might forget how to do things on your own that you did quite well before you were with your partner. Even if you don't forget how to do them, you might get to the point that you don't want to do things on your own and your partner might get sick of that. Worse, your partner might take advantage of that and use it to control you. If one person has complete control of another in the relationship, things can go bad very quickly. If someone has taken control of you, you can still get your personal power back. Find out how here: Overcome Powerlessness and Take Command of Life
Why Independence Matters
“ The ultimate state of love is freedom, absolute freedom, and any relationship that destroys freedom is not worthwhile.”- Osho
Independence in a relationship is important because although you are now in a happy committed relationship, you are still two different people. You may be building a life together. You might even be raising a family together, but you are not the same person as one another. If you don’t maintain independence, you will lose part of yourself. We all make sacrifices in relationships, but being overly dependent on your partner is not the same thing. You can't do everything together and you can't do all the same things. You both still need things for yourself separately from one another.
The worst thing that could happen is that you would lose your autonomy in a relationship. You would give up some things that were important, including your hobbies, your job, and your other relationships. Your personal identity would start to suffer because you would not remember who you are outside of the relationship even though you have a good relationship that you're thankful for. You are the same person who you were before the two of you met. You're still someone's child. You are still people's friend, and family member. You might even be someone's parent and you're important to your community. Even if your family is close, there may be problems. Learn about healing for families here: Psychic Protection for Family Problems
If you and your partner are overly attached and don't have anything set aside for yourselves, you might get sick of each other. Unfortunately, this can make a relationship turn sour. You will get tired of each other's bad habits faster. You might make excuses to avoid one another because you need time apart. You might start to grow apart because you overdid it, not allowing one another personal time or independence. You might even suffer in silence and the relationship could die.
How to Be Independent
“ Independence is loyalty to one’s best self and principles.”- Mark Twain
Some people can't imagine remaining independent in a relationship. There are some simple ways of doing it. Never feel bad for your need for independence and don't apologize for it. Set and meet goals for yourself that do not include your partner. Have some alone time and maintain the personal space that you need. Make independent decisions without consulting your partner and balance the time for your partner with time for yourself.
Be Unapologetic
Needing to be your own person even though you're in a relationship is nothing to feel bad about. Don't let anybody tell you what it is. We are all individual people and nobody can change that. Emotionally, you need things to yourself, time for yourself, and a healthy partner will understand that. Never feel bad for being your own person. You should also focus on being your Higher Self. Learn how here: Your Holy Guardian Angel: The Higher Self
Meet Your Own Goals
Even if you share life with someone and you have goals that you reach together, you should still have personal goals that don’t include your partner. Working on improving your health is something that your partner can't do for you. Working on achieving a personal dream is something your partner can't do for you. Meeting goals in your career is something that your partner can't help you with. Don't stop setting and meeting your own goals just because you're building a life with someone else.
Have “Me” Time
Spend some time without your partner. This might include personal time with the kids or your family. It might include a vacation with your best friends. It might include a men's or women's retreat with your faith community that your partner does not attend. It might be something simple like some time to unwind at the spa or even in your own garden without your partner with you. Take some time out for yourself. Magical self-care is one way to do that. Learn how here: Magical Care for Self in Stressful Times
Maintain Personal Space
Some people think it's cute to share toothbrushes, soap, and not close the bathroom door. Other people find this horrifying. We all need our own personal space separate from other people, and that includes our significant other. Some people will leave and go meditate in nature, drive the long way to work so that they can have some alone time every day, or even have their own space in the house they don't share with anybody else. Set aside some time or space that is personal so that you can still be yourself without other people being involved.
Make Independent Decisions
Your hairstyle, your wardrobe, your hobbies, and your fitness goals are examples of personal decisions that you should make on your own. You don't need to let your partner order dinner for you, decide when you sleep and wake up, or how you spend your personal money after you've paid your share of the bills. Big decisions like where you will live, how your retirement is spent, or your investments aredecisions that you make as a couple. Keep your personal decisions for yourself. One thing you may need to decide independently is whether to change careers. Get some tips for deciding here: Is it Time for a Career Change?
Balance
Everything in life is a balancing act. You will balance the amount of independence you have with the amount of interdependence that you have with your partner. You won't be fully dependent on them, and you won't be completely without them. You will both need your own independence and each couple will need a different amount of interdependence and independence. Decide that balance together.
Independence is crucial whether you're in a relationship or not because you still need to be who you are and make decisions on your own without someone else controlling you. Independence means you are your own person, you maintain all of your relationships, and you set healthy boundaries. Simple ways to be independent within a relationship are to never apologize for it, set your own goals, and have time alone. You should also maintain personal space and make independent decisions, balancing what you do alone with what you do with your partner. Being in a long-term relationship is very special, just don't forget that you are still your own person.
Want more tips for maintaining independence when you’re in a committed relationship? Reach out to a psychic advisor for the best tips now!
