Constructive criticism helps people share their expertise with us so we can improve, but not everybody likes it. Learn the difference between constructive and deconstructive criticism and how to give and accept the right criticism.
Criticism. Nobody wants it, but everybody wants to share it. As long as the criticism is constructive, it’s a good thing. It points out weaknesses, shares ways to improve them, and helps us to grow. There isn’t anything bad about constructive criticism, but not everybody knows that. Some people don’t know how to take it- and other people have no clue how to give it. Join Mysticsense to learn the fine art of giving and getting constructive criticism. First, learn exactly what it is vs something called deconstructive criticism and why we need it. Find out signs the criticism is the right kind, how to get it and give it, and finally how to handle the wrong kind of criticism. Our greatest critics can be our greatest helpers. Read on to find out why.
What is Constructive Criticism?
Constructive criticism is a kind of feedback that's designed to help someone. It offers specific suggestions on how to make improvements. It needs to be specific about what the problem is, but also specific about what needs to improve. It is supposed to be supportive and designed to help with growth and improvement. It's supposed to offer positive solutions so that everybody can move forward. It is also supposed to be respectful, and not come across as offensive. It doesn't just criticize flaws. Those who offer constructive criticism try to be part of the solution.
You might get constructive criticism at work from a supervisor or a trainer. It doesn't just support you, it supports everybody on the team when you grow professionally. At school, you're supposed to get constructive criticism from your teachers, or they're not doing their job. You're probably going to get constructive criticism anywhere though. Strangers in public might point out something that you had not noticed, and your friends or neighbors might be nice enough to give you constructive criticism. As long as the criticism is polite, non-intrusive, and designed to help, it's constructive. When the criticism is constructive the opinion counts. Learn when other people’s opinions don’t here: Does Someone Else’s Opinion Count?
Why We Need Constructive Criticism
We need constructive criticism for a lot of reasons. First off, we can't think of everything all on our own, and when someone else can help, that's where constructive criticism comes in. Their pointers will help to reorient us toward our goal if we step away, or help us to change our approach to make sure we get there. It helps us to save time we would have wasted doing things wrong. It also helps get other people involved. Their contribution is an important part of success, and it shows you how other people view you.
It has another surprising benefit. And helps to foster good communication and relationships. Think of it this way- this time, someone helped you with constructive criticism. Next time, you're going to help them. As independent as we may feel with our accomplishments, none of us are completely alone in our lives, our jobs, or our communities. We need each other. Getting and giving constructive criticism strengthens our relationships in ways that nothing else quite does. One Zodiac sign that is focused on relationships is Libra and you can read about them here: Libra Traits | Star Sign in the Spotlight
Constructive vs Deconstructive Criticism
So, constructive criticism is a good thing because it's done respectfully and it's designed to help. Deconstructive criticism is not. A lot of people will use deconstructive criticism to act superior, make themselves feel good, and tear down other people. Unkind, judgmental, or harsh words as well as personal attacks and ridicule may be used. The focus is to demoralize the recipient. It can chip away at self esteem, make people give up, or even damage relationships. Deconstructive criticism is just downright mean.
An example of deconstructive criticism is being told that everybody thinks you are stupid because of a mistake you made. Another example would be for someone to tell you that the shade of red you're wearing brings out how ugly your skin is. There is no desire to help someone when you use deconstructive criticism. The goal is just to make people feel bad. A dirty little secret very few people know is that people who use deconstructive criticism usually feel bad about themselves. When they attack you with their deconstructive criticism, it makes them feel better. Anytime somebody's criticism attacks you and offers no solutions, it is definitely deconstructive, and it can just be ignored. If you build your self-esteem, that nasty criticism won’t bother you. Find out how to build self-esteem through body confidence here: Learning Self-Confidence by Loving Your Body
Signs Criticism is Constructive
It's not difficult to tell that the criticism you're getting is constructive as opposed to deconstructive. There are three signs that give it away. First off, the tone should be uplifting. Next encouragement will be offered and you will actually feel good. Finally, the focus will be on helping you to improve, not tearing you down.
It’s Uplifting
Uplifting words are very different from words that would tear you down. When someone is giving constructive criticism, they will do everything they can to build you up. Since constructive criticism is designed to help you, the person giving this will act like it. They will want to see you improve. They will offer suggestions so that you can do that. They will never tear you down, name call, tell you that you are incapable, or embarrass you. Their approach will be noticeable by their attitude that they want to help you to be the best that you can be. Constructive criticism can jumpstart personal transformation magic. Read all about that here: Using Personal Transformation Magic
You Are Encouraged
People who give you constructive criticism as opposed to deconstructive criticism will also instill in you the belief that you can improve. You will be encouraged to seek out resources that help, take actions that make things better, and continue to grow. Someone who does deconstructive criticism doesn't want to see you do any of that. They want to see you fail. If the criticism makes you feel in any way incapable, or that improvement is impossible because you just don't have what it takes, you didn't get the encouragement or support that you deserve from the criticism, so it wasn't constructive criticism.
Focus is on Improvement
Constructive criticism focuses on improvement. That is the goal of it from start to finish. If someone just tells you that you're awful, but doesn't let you know that you can make positive changes, they were probably just criticizing you to make themselves feel better. You might not even need to make any changes based on that type of criticism. Constructive criticism will identify what the challenge or problem is, and point out what can be done about it. All of us can improve every day of our lives, and constructive criticism is supposed to help us with that. One place that is always improving and growing when things are done right in your community. Read about nurturing community here: Our Communities: Building and Nurturing Them
How to Give Constructive Criticism
So by now, we probably all agree that constructive criticism is a good thing. We know what it is and what it isn't. How do you give constructive criticism, though? In five simple steps, we will show you how. First off, always approach with respect and that will be noticed. Next you really do need to sugarcoat things sometimes, even if you're not already good at it. Then you need to be specific about what the problems are and what kind of positive solutions you have to offer. Only give any criticism at all when it is necessary, and when it's not, then don’t say anything. Make sure to focus on praise of the good instead of just criticizing. If you do these things you will be an expert at the art of constructive criticism.
Approach Respectfully
Respect is the key to proper communication. Make sure not to embarrass people in front of a group by firing off criticisms so everyone can hear. Say it in private. Make sure people have time to talk to you before you start offering criticism. One of the most respectful things that you can do though, is to ask somebody if they even want your advice before sharing it. Sometimes, people either don't have time to listen or aren't ready to. Giving them respect as people will make them more likely to listen to you and follow your advice. Learn about how to get and give respect here: The Art of Being Respectful and Being Respected
Sugarcoat It
Some people brag about how harsh they can be when they are stating opinions. This is nothing to brag about. You have to have some finesse in how you communicate with people or they won't want to hear anything that you have to say. Telling someone “That baby blue dress makes your backside look a mile wide, so you need to wear dark colors everywhere you go,” might be your opinion if someone asks you what you think of the dress they're wearing. However, it’s going to repel them. Instead be a sweet person and say something like, “The light colors don’t flatter quite like the dark ones do. I would buy this dress in the darker shade of navy if I were you.”
Be Specific
If you're going to give constructive criticism, you're going to need to be specific. For example, if a piano student asks how their performance sounded, don't just tell them it was sloppy. Tell them what sounded sloppy. Were they playing ahead of the beat? Were they slumped over at the piano instead of sitting up straight? Remember that constructive criticism is designed to help people improve, if you can't be specific about what needs to be improved, it's not helpful. Sagittarians are great at being honest and specific. Read more about them here: Sagittarius | Traits Star Sign in the Spotlight
Only Give Criticism When Needed
Very little needs to be said sometimes. Other times, nothing needs to be said. Only give constructive criticism when it's needed Otherwise, people will think that you're just bragging about what an expert you think you are, and they won't listen to you.
Go Heavy on the Praise
Focusing on the positive goes a long way to get people to listen to you. When you are giving feedback to somebody, praise the positive before you discuss what needs to improve. Focus on more positive points than points that need improvement, and this will help people to be encouraged that they have what it takes to be better. If all you do is criticize people without telling them things that they do right, they're going to be demoralized and stop trying. Praise helps deal with difficult people too and you can learn how to do that here: How to Deal with Difficult People
How to Accept Constructive Criticism
Accepting constructive criticism can be harder than giving it, but there are three ways to do it. First, accept that you are imperfect and capable of improving. Then, listen to what you're being told. Instead of being embarrassed that you need to improve, focus on growing, and then thank the person for teaching you something.
Accept That You’re Imperfect
No matter how hard you work on yourself, you will still have flaws and areas where you can improve. There is no escape from that, no matter how good you get at what you're doing. Thank goodness we have other people to help teach us, guide us, and watch us grow. Accept this.
Listen
Listening to what you're being told is extremely important. You might feel like you're too busy to stop and pay attention, so, make time to do it later. Whenever somebody takes the time to explain something to you because they want to help you, stop and listen and really consider what they're saying.
Focus on Growth
Instead of focusing on how hard you've been working, how you're tired of redirecting your approach and doing things a new way, or feeling embarrassed that you need help, just focus on your growth as a person. Every day, we have an opportunity to do more, be better, and achieve more. Accept constructive criticism as an indication of how to do that.
Thank Them
If an expert takes the time to reach out and share their expertise about how you can improve, they are doing you a favor. Nobody has to do that for anybody else. Make sure to tell the person that you appreciate their constructive criticism, but also show your appreciation by taking their good advice to heart. When they see you making positive changes based on what they've told you it will make their efforts worth it.
Handling Deconstructive Criticism
There are two different things that you can do when you get deconstructive criticism, but they all result in one thing- disregarding the criticism. You can pretend that you didn't hear the deconstructive criticism at all and refuse to engage. You can tell them how unacceptable what they have said to you is. The only thing that matters is that you don't internalize the ugliness that they have sent your way. You should also take their behavior as a lesson and how not to behave. Nobody deserves deconstructive criticism.
Constructive criticism is helpful advice on how to improve. Deconstructive criticism tears people down and makes the person doing the criticizing feel superior. Signs the criticism is constructive is it's uplifting, encouraging, and the focus is on improvement. You'll have to do things like sugar coat if you want to give constructive criticism, and to accept constructive criticism, listen to what you're told. What would we do without people who help us to grow? Thank goodness for constructive criticism.
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