One of the biggest mistakes some people make is to give up parts of who they are to the person they love. Find out how to commit in a relationship without losing your sense of self or independence.
You’ve finally found love with THE one for you. You couldn’t be happier- but as time goes on, your friends and family notice changes in you. Changes they don’t like. Things that used to be important to you are laid aside, and parts of your personality start to change. Who you are has blurred as you compromise yourself to be a new person, just because you’re not single anymore- and that’s not good. Join Mysticsense to find out how and why people lose parts of themselves to relationships. Find out what that means, and telltale signs it’s happening. There’s hope though, because you can get yourself back- all of you. Love is wonderful, but so are you. Find out how to keep all of yourself, even if you’re in love.
What is Losing Yourself in a Relationship?
Losing yourself in a relationship means you unnecessarily compromise, quit doing things that are meaningful for you, or somehow change to suit the person you love. It means giving up self-care so you can do everything for someone else. It means silencing your voice and going along with things that compromise you. It means dumping friends you hold dear because your significant other wants you all to themselves. It means giving up your hobbies that make you happy so you can be more available to someone else. It also means dressing differently to appease someone else.
When your personal identity starts to change so you can satisfy someone else, you have lost yourself in that relationship. When it first happens, you might think it’s normal- but it’s neither normal, or healthy. You change your language. You don’t focus on what you need or what in life. It’s all about “us” and “our relationship”. Whereas, you may have made going to the gym a priority regularly, now you will not be able to find the time to go because your significant other needs or wants you to do something for or with them. All your time will be devoted to your relationship and you will forget that you are an individual. This can emotionally exhaust you but there is help. Read more here: Help for Emotional Fatigue in Relationships
Why We Lose Ourselves
Losing yourself in a relationship doesn't sound like a good thing, does it? So why would a thing like that happen? It could happen for a number of reasons, but it's usually not intentional. Sometimes when you're newly in a relationship, you get really excited and you just want to spend all your time with someone. Other times it happens because you're afraid of losing someone. If you have low self esteem, that can make you lose yourself, and if you have undefined goals for your life, you might make your relationship your number one goal. You might lose yourself because you were raised with trauma and you don't know any better.
We Get Excited
When you're in a new relationship and you're madly in love with someone, you might want to spend all your time with them and you can't imagine ever being without them. Especially if you feel like someone is the one for you, you might feel like this relationship defines your whole life. It's understandable under circumstances like that that you might make the mistake of blurring the lines of your personal identity with your relationship. Early on in a relationship if something like this happens, it's okay, Just don't make it a habit long term.
We Fear Losing Them
If you're really in love and you're afraid of losing someone, you might overcompensate. You might spend all your time with someone, thinking that the more you're around them, the less they'll want to leave. Some people say when you're truly in love, someone never gets sick of being with you, and while that might be true. You will need to do something with your time besides spend it with one person exclusively. You might feel like it was love at first sight, so you want to spend all your time with them, but is love at first sight even real? Find out here: Is Love at First Sight Real?
Low Self-Esteem
If you don't have very high self-esteem, it might be easy for you to fuse your identity with someone else's. You might admire the person who you fell in love with so much, you feel like your whole life can be combined with theirs and it will make you feel whole. You might call them your better half or say that they're the best thing that's ever happened to you. The thing is, another person will never complete you. You are already whole and perfect just the way you are.
Undefined Goals
If you've never had any real defined goals for your life, you might make being someone’s significant other your whole identity. Especially if you have kids together, the identity of being a parent and spouse might be very fulfilling for you, and you might decide that that's the only thing that you want out of life. If you don't have anything else for yourself, when the other people who you have allowed to define you entirely aren't in the room with you, you might feel empty and alone. A little magical self-care can guide you out of this. Learn how here: Magical Care for Self in Stressful Times
We Were Raised with Trauma
If you were raised with codependent parents, or parents who completely neglected you, it can make you overcompensate by fusing your identity with that of your significant other’s. If you were emotionally orphaned through neglect by family, you might overdo it and completely attach yourself to someone else because it makes you feel like you're not alone. Feeling emotionally abandoned at a young age can make you prone to overdoing it and attaching too much in a relationship. Don't make that mistake.
Isn’t It All About “Us”?
Relationships are about you both- but you’re two separate people, not one person. If you’re a couple who really have it all together, you are a team. On teams, members work together, yes, but each member of the team is an independent person who is just as important as the rest of the team. Being united as a couple is extremely important, because if you're not, you may as well not be together. However, it's also important to allow one another a healthy amount of independence so that you are not what they call codependent.
The relationship might be about the two of you, but there are so many other things in your life besides one person. You have your friends, family, career, and hopes and dreams. None of those things have anything to do with the person who you are dating or married to. There was a time when you and your significant other were not together. There may come a time in your life when you're apart at least temporarily. You might have a breakup for a short time, or you might separate for good. If you don't have anything else in your life besides your relationship, you're going to be completely empty if something happens to that relationship. Your career might go sour too. Is it time to change careers? Find out here: Is it Time for a Career Change?
Signs You’ve Lost Yourself
So, if losing yourself is such a big problem, what are some signs that it's happening? If you can't function by yourself, that's a sure sign you've lost yourself in a relationship. If you're jealous of your significant other, or neglect yourself, you've lost yourself in the relationship. If you spend all your time with them instead of any friends or family at all, congratulations. You've lost yourself in the relationship. If they are everything to you and you have nothing at all outside the relationship, you've lost yourself.
You Can’t Function Alone
Remember back before you were with your significant other? You did everything without them. If you're with them now, and you can't go anywhere without them, do anything without them, or spend one minute without them, you have completely lost yourself to the relationship. An easy way to see if this has happened, is to try and plan something without them. If you can't imagine doing that, you've lost yourself in the relationship.
You’re Jealous
If you're jealous of any time that your significant other spends with anyone else, including their parents or kids, you have completely dissolved your identity into your relationship with them. Before you were together, you both had family and friends who you spent time with. You shouldn't give that up just because you're a couple now. The great thing about becoming a couple is, your friends group and family group will grow. The people who love them will love you now too. What could be better? Your family might need healing but there is psychic help for that. Find out more here: Psychic Protection for Family Problems
You Neglect Self-Care
If you start to neglect yourself once you enter into the relationship, you're losing your personal identity. Your hygiene, fitness routine., and the things that you do for your mental health care should continue even if you're not single anymore. A relationship cannot replace those things. You still need the things that you need, even if you're not single anymore. So, make sure you're sleeping right, eating right., and during the things that you personally need to maintain your sense of well-being and mental health. Your significant other will approve.
You Ditched Friends and Family
If you stopped spending time with all of your friends and family and you isolate yourself with your significant other only, you have lost yourself in the relationship. One person should not make up your entire social life. If that's happening, you've lost yourself in the relationship. You might have to estrange yourself from some family members if they're toxic though. Read more here: Estrangement from Family - Deciding to Do It
They Are Everything
There will be times when your career is not going the way you want it to. You might lose your job, or you might just be earning money to pay bills. You might have a falling out with your best friend, or move to a new town with your significant other and not know anyone yet. You might have lost interests and hobbies and be waiting to establish new ones. Having a good relationship can be very comforting in times like that. If you give everything up thinking that a relationship is all you need, you've lost yourself in the relationship, though.
Getting Yourself Back
Don’t worry if you find out you've lost yourself in a relationship. You can get yourself back. Stop seeking validation from another person in your life, and you will automatically get your personal identity back. Have time to yourself without your significant other, and reconnect with your personal interests. Most importantly, You have to speak up if you disagree with something and set healthy boundaries. If you do all of these things, you will automatically reaffirm your independence.
Stop Seeking Validation
It can be very difficult to stop asking other people to validate you, but it's very important if you want to be independent. Of course, you will want to satisfy the people who you love. You just have to stop expecting them to approve of everything that you say and do. You also have to stop expecting strangers to validate you. Some people feel lost if they're single, and not with the social status of being in a relationship, people won’t approve. Stop expecting that, and you'll feel independent again.Singles do this too. Read about being single by choice here: Being Single By Choice
Have “Me” Time
Instead of spending all your time with your significant other, have some time to yourself. Some people can't stand it if all of their time is spent with other people and they need some quiet time doing things just for themselves. Take a nap, go for a walk, surf the Internet, or do whatever it is that you want on your own. This will help to assert your independence from your relationship.
Reconnect to Interests
If you've stopped doing the things that you love, start doing those again. Do you love baking? Sign up for a class. Do you love running? Go for a run. Our nature hikes your thing? Hook the dog up and hit the trails. There was a time back when you were single that you went out and enjoyed things on your own, so get out and do that again. Learn about living consciously in the moment here: Live in the Moment- Be Consciously Here
Speak Up and Set Boundaries
The number one thing that you need to do to get yourself back when you're in a relationship is to speak up if something doesn't agree with you. Too often, we try to agree with everything that our significant other says- even if we actually don't. Healthy boundaries such as alone time while you shower, time out with friends, or even quiet time at home without your significant other are very important. You might be a couple, but you're not the same person, So speak up and set boundaries.
It's understandable to be happy when you're in a relationship, especially if it's a good one. It’s just not good to lose yourself to a relationship. Signs you've lost yourself in a relationship are you don't spend time without them, if you don’t have any time with your friends, and you've lost touch with your interests. Speaking up and setting personal boundaries are two simple things that you can do to get your independence back. Love is very important, just remember one relationship isn't everything!
Would you like more ideas for how to be more independent? Reach out to a psychic and find out today.
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